


Practically Boyfriends

by SlantedKnitting



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern Era, Nonbinary Character, Queer Themes, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:11:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: Merlin wants to knit Arthur a sweater for Christmas.Modern AU.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KingHippiedude (missreader)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missreader/gifts).



> Please see the end for additional (spoilery) tags and warnings.
> 
> Special thanks to my beta :)
> 
> Also - not britpicked so please excuse any egregious Americanisms.
> 
>  
> 
> **Most importantly, happy holidays, kinghippiedude!! I hope this works for you :)**

**OCTOBER**

Merlin let himself into his flat and went straight for the bathroom to undress and wash his hands. He felt sticky.

He'd washed his hands before he left work but he'd somehow gotten sticky again on the way home. He suspected some grubby-handed child had gotten candy on his uniform somewhere, but he didn't want to inspect the damage. He just wanted to wash up and get into a clean pair of pyjamas.

Taking off his headphones, he stripped down to his pants, left his work clothes in a heap on the floor, and scrubbed his hands and arms twice in the sink to get rid of any and all residue from the sweets he'd encountered.

Merlin worked in a toy shop, mostly as a toy demonstrator although he was trying to get promoted before the Christmas rush; the number of times he'd come home with an unknown substance on his skin or his uniform was alarming.

When he felt as clean as he was going to feel without taking an actual shower, Merlin took a look at himself in the mirror. He looked tired and pale, although he always looked pale. Being tired seemed to emphasise it somehow; his light-coloured skin really made the bags under his eyes stand out. The only thing that stood out more was his messy dark hair. He spent a minute trying to tame it, even though he knew it would keep doing whatever it wanted until he washed it the next morning.

Giving up on his appearance, Merlin finished drying off his arms and headed towards his room to find something else to wear.

He caught something out of the corner of his eye as he passed the living room and had to back up a few steps to make sure he hadn't imagined it.

Arthur was sleeping on his sofa.

Merlin had known Arthur for years; they couldn't even remember how they'd met anymore, because it turned out they'd been running in the same circles for years. They might have been introduced at the new volunteer orientation day at the local LGBT centre, or they might have run into each other at the coffee shop where 2 of their mutual friends worked, or they might have had tables next to each other at one of the bimonthly neighbourhood fairs (Merlin liked to knit and Arthur liked to bake). They might have just bumped into each other on the street and decided they wanted more; it didn't matter how they'd first found each other because they'd been friends ever since.

They were more than friends, really. Arthur had Merlin's spare set of keys — he lived nearby and was responsible enough not to lose them, which was more than Merlin could claim — which seemed to signify something more, although Merlin was never really sure what that was, or even what he wanted it to be.

They weren't necessarily _best_ mates — Merlin had Gwen and Gwaine and Arthur had Gwaine and Leon — but it was something beyond casual. They were close.

They were close enough that sometimes Merlin lost track of their boundaries and found himself fantasising about running away with Arthur to somewhere where they could just be alone together, knitting and baking and cuddling all day.

They were close enough that Merlin was used to seeing Arthur randomly kipping in his flat without an invitation. Although, Arthur had been in South Africa for over a week and as far as Merlin knew, he wasn't expected back in London for another two days.

Arthur looked awkward on the sofa, despite the fact that he'd slept there dozens of times before. He always looked awkward when he slept; he drooled and got clingy with the cushions and pillows and blankets and whatever else was in his reach. Sometimes he crossed his arms over his chest, as if he were trying to keep his hands to himself, but that never lasted long.

This evening, Arthur was curled on his side with his top leg draped over the edge of the sofa, his foot hovering just above the floor. He was clutching the cushion under his head with both hands, apparently trying to keep his balance so he wouldn't slip off the sofa. His head was stretched up at an odd angle and his Adam's apple was jutting out ridiculously.

Merlin only just remembered to finish his journey to his bedroom to put on clothes before he came back and flipped on the living room lights to rouse his friend.

"Fuck," Arthur grumbled as he jolted awake and then had to quickly shift his weight so he didn't fall on the floor. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes like a child. "God, that's bright."

"It's not." Merlin leaned against the door frame and waited for Arthur to fully wake up. "Tea?" he offered.

Arthur nodded, stifling a yawn, and followed Merlin into the kitchen.

"I thought you weren't coming back until the weekend," Merlin said, handing over his basket of teabags to let Arthur choose.

Arthur glanced briefly through the options before giving the basket back. "Whatever's decaf, I'm not picky."

"That's a brazen lie," Merlin teased as he flicked on the electric kettle.

Arthur shrugged. "How's work?" he asked around a yawn.

"The usual. How was your trip? How were the playlists?"

"Your playlists were great, as always. I'll never figure out how you know just the song I'm going to want to listen to on a random flight."

"Magic."

"Clearly. Anyway, the rest of the trip was boring. Remind me to give you your present before I leave."

Merlin took longer than necessary to pick out two mugs and unwrap the teabags, trying to give Arthur more time to warm up to the idea of telling him what had happened.

"Did you close the deal early?" he guessed after enough silence had passed.

Arthur snorted. "There was no deal, it was just meetings."

"Well, I don't know what you do," Merlin admitted, grinning. "Did you finish all the medical research? Did you find a cure for AIDS?"

"Something like that." Arthur sat heavily at the kitchen table and tilted his chair back at a dangerous angle. "Sophia hit on me."

"Again? Hasn't she got the message? What does she even want — you're only in Johannesburg a few times a year, right?"

"I wish I knew. I told some incredibly stupid lie about how I had to leave early to take care of my sick child because my wife was getting overwhelmed."

Merlin was barely able to stifle his laughter. "You're an idiot. Did anyone else hear you say that?"

"Leon," Arthur admitted miserably. "He looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel from how hard he was trying not to burst out laughing."

"Well, I don't blame him. When's the last time you got hit on by a woman, other than Sophia?"

"Uni," Arthur guessed. "I don't know."

"She's oblivious and it's not your fault." Merlin rounded the table and pushed on Arthur's shoulders until the front legs of the chair touched the floor again. He rubbed the back of Arthur's neck slowly, working his way down until he found a knot near one of Arthur's shoulder blades.

"You're my favourite human," Arthur mumbled as Merlin massaged him.

"I'd better be." Merlin continued kneading Arthur's back until the kettle went off and he had to step away to pour the water into the mugs. "Drink up, Mr. Husband," he said as he set their tea down at the table.

"It was… not my finest hour," Arthur said, a smile finally tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Clearly not. Fancy some mindless telly?"

"Oh, yes, please." Arthur took both of their mugs back out to the living room while Merlin pulled out some hummus, carrots, and celery from the fridge.

When Merlin was settled on the sofa, he noticed Arthur's suitcase leaning against his bookshelf.

"Did you come straight here from the airport?"

"Yeah — do you want your present now? Might get a little messy with the food, but…"

"Well, I definitely need to know what it is, now. You can't leave me hanging with a weird disclaimer like that."

Arthur chuckled and popped a carrot in his mouth before he got up to dig through his luggage.

"How was the flight?" Merlin asked.

"Cramped. Here you go."

Merlin startled slightly but managed to catch the box Arthur had thrown before it landed in the hummus. It was small, each side about three inches wide and tall, and clear. Merlin couldn't tell what was inside — it looked like a roll of paper — so he peeled off the lid and took out the strange scroll.

"Holy shit," he said as he unwrapped it. It looked to be a long roll of temporary tattoos. "What the hell are these things?"

"Creatures from South African folklore," Arthur said happily. "Saw them and thought of you, of course."

"These are _fantastic_ ," Merlin said, still unravelling the tattoos. "Oh my God, they're terrifying."

"They're pretty hideous drawings," Arthur agreed. "Do you want to put them on now?"

"Yes," Merlin said eagerly. "Yes."

Arthur laughed and got up to get the supplies. Merlin admired the scary illustrations as he sipped his tea and waited, a little giddy that Arthur had managed to find the perfect souvenir for him.

Merlin loved temporary tattoos; he loved peppering his body with art and then getting to scrub it off and replace it with something else the next week. He didn't have any real tattoos but he loved the idea of them and the way that they looked. He wanted to get one someday, when he'd saved up enough money and settled on an idea of what he would want to get and where. Until then, he kept himself satisfied with imitations.

Most of his friends thought his interest in temporary tattoos was ridiculous, but this was not the first time Arthur had surprised him with a random pack.

Arthur came back a minute later with a few flannels, a bowl of water, and a pair of scissors.

"You look like one of the kids in your shop," he said as he set the bowl on the coffee table next to their snack.

"I feel like it. Thank you for these — I love them."

Arthur grinned and kissed Merlin on the cheek as he sat down. "You're welcome." He handed over the scissors so Merlin could cut out a tattoo from the roll. "What're you going to put on first?"

"I'm thinking about this weird snake thing with a horse's head," Merlin said, looking over the options again. "I think you should put on this creepy bird. It looks like it could be your brother."

Arthur ruffled Merlin's hair and Merlin grinned as he cut out the tattoos he'd chosen. This was why he loved spending time with Arthur — there was no judgement and there were no expectations; it was just easy and fun and safe.

"You first," Merlin decided, holding up the bird tattoo. It was about four inches long and wouldn't be easy to hide, but Arthur had actual tattoos so he probably wouldn't be bothered. "Where do you want it?"

"Right over my heart," Arthur decided as he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"That's — you might summon some kind of demonic spirit," Merlin said, looking at the illustration again. The bird had a long beak with fangs and it looked like a dinosaur that had recently eaten a human, soul and all. He turned over the tattoo and found what he assumed to be a description of the creature on the back, but it was in Afrikaans.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Arthur shrugged out of his button-down and then took off his undershirt as well, leaving him only in his nice trousers and socks.

"Cold?" Merlin asked as he peeled the plastic cover off the front of the tattoo.

"Nah."

Merlin took his time to line up the tattoo properly, eventually settling on having the bird's beak up by Arthur's collar bone and its feet resting near where he guessed Arthur's heart to be. He dipped one of the flannels in the bowl of water and pressed it to Arthur's chest, using his whole hand to make sure the tattoo got applied evenly.

Arthur covered Merlin's hand with his own and pressed harder until Merlin could feel his heart beating through the flannel.

Merlin looked up, ready to make a joke about how the tattoo was coming to life, but the words died on his lips when he saw the soft expression on Arthur's face.

They held eye contact for a long moment and Merlin could feel Arthur's heart rate picking up. He wondered if his was, too.

"How long does it take?" Arthur asked quietly, glancing down at their hands.

"About a minute."

"How long has it been?"

"I have no idea," Merlin admitted.

Arthur hummed in agreement and used his free hand to wipe a trickle of water off his stomach. Merlin let himself watch, knowing Arthur wouldn't care. He liked to look at Arthur; Arthur was like a statue — broad and muscular and tanned and beautiful. He was always warm, too, like he'd spent so many afternoons playing football under the bright sun that it had taken up residence inside of him, giving him golden hair and golden skin and an undying warmth that lay just under the surface.

"Probably enough time," Merlin said, sliding his hand out from under Arthur's. "Let's take a look."

Arthur peeled the flannel and the tattoo paper off his chest and looked down at himself. "Is that as disturbing as it looks from this angle?"

"Yep." Merlin laughed and tossed Arthur another flannel so he could pat himself dry. "Just don't forget it's there or you're going to give yourself a heart attack next time you look in the mirror."

Arthur shrugged and leaned forward to dip some celery sticks in the hummus. Merlin caught a glimpse of the red dragon tattooed across Arthur's back before Arthur sat back up; he smiled as he held the winged, horned rabbit tattoo against different parts of his own body, trying to decide where he wanted it.

He loved Arthur's dragon tattoo — it was huge and scaly and angry-looking, but Arthur had nicknamed it Lucy and often asked his friends to draw goofy moustaches on it.

Arthur was a force in the outside world; he was smart and powerful and determined and relentless and ruthless. He worked tirelessly on his HIV and AIDS research and he rarely took 'no' for an answer.

Underneath all that, though, Arthur was a sap. He liked to bake cookies and brownies and pie. He liked to cuddle with Merlin and binge-watch murder mysteries and other crime shows. He liked to be obnoxious and intrusive and a general pain in all of his friends' sides because he thought it was cute and funny. He liked to laugh and make jokes so he wouldn't be ruined by the serious nature of his work.

Merlin loved both sides; Arthur wouldn't be Arthur if he wasn't a contradiction.

"Pu'ii on or'are," Arthur said around a mouthful of carrots.

Merlin snorted. "Excuse me?"

Arthur made a big show of chewing and swallowing before he repeated himself. "Put it on your heart. We'll match."

"You're ridiculous," Merlin said, already pulling his arms through the sleeves of the over-large jumper he liked to sleep in. He tossed the jumper at Arthur's face and peeled off the plastic covering from the tattoo.

"No, don't just —" Arthur snatched the tattoo out of Merlin's hand before he could stick it to his skin. "Don't just put it anywhere. You have to line it up."

"Yes, sir." Merlin sat back and waited patiently for Arthur to find the perfect placement for the tattoo. It took longer than Merlin knew was necessary, but eventually Arthur pressed a damp flannel to his chest.

Merlin laid his hand on top of Arthur's and tapped his fingers against Arthur's knuckles, enjoying the odd intimacy. He didn't let many people touch him the way Arthur did. Arthur knew this and was much more affectionate with Merlin than with any of his other friends, as if he thought Merlin might perish without it, or at least need it more than anyone else.

Merlin didn't mind, although it was hard to remember that Arthur didn't necessarily mean it the way Merlin sometimes wanted him to.

"Probably enough time, right?" Arthur asked after a while.

Merlin nodded and Arthur swapped out the wet flannel with a dry one and patted off Merlin's chest, careful not to smudge the temporary ink.

"Looks good," he declared, leaning back a little to admire it. "You should think about letting the kids see it."

"I feel like I would be discouraged from taking off my clothes in front of children in a toy shop," Merlin joked, pulling his jumper back over his head.

Arthur remained shirtless, warm as ever, and turned on the telly to find something for them to watch. Merlin waited a few minutes to put his arms back through the sleeves of the jumper, mostly to help himself warm back up after sitting shirtless for a few minutes, but also so he could run his fingers over the tattoo. He liked the idea of having matching tattoos with Arthur. Maybe one day he'd find something he liked enough to get it etched onto his skin permanently; maybe he could persuade Arthur to get it, too. Maybe their relationship would feel more defined if their strange bond was written across their bodies.

When Arthur settled on a show and leaned back on the sofa, his arms spread across the back cushions, Merlin curled up next to him. Arthur wrapped an arm around Merlin's shoulders and rested his head against Merlin's the same way he'd done a thousand times before.

Merlin had almost fallen asleep like that, pressed up against Arthur's warm side, when Arthur's mobile buzzed in his pocket.

"Sorry," Arthur muttered, pulling it out.

Merlin kept his eyes on the telly to give Arthur some privacy. After a minute, Arthur sighed and slid his mobile back into his pocket. He sat up a little, pulling his arm away from Merlin, and scrubbed his hands over his face.

"Everything okay?" Merlin asked.

"Yeah. Just a little jet lagged."

"I thought it was only an hour's difference."

"Shush."

Merlin smirked and pulled his legs up on the sofa, pressing his knees to his chest and slipping his jumper over them so he felt like an egg with arms and a head.

"Who texted? Your dad?" Merlin guessed, trying to work out why Arthur had tensed up so suddenly.

"No, a… a guy I took to dinner before I left."

"Oh," Merlin said blankly, still not sure why Arthur looked and sounded so guilty. Maybe he felt bad because the text had come while he was cuddling with Merlin, but he had to know that that was never going to lead to anything. "Is he cute?" Merlin asked to break the tension.

Arthur shrugged as he pulled his undershirt back on. "He's — yeah. I don't know. I haven't really decided yet."

"You usually decide faster than that," Merlin pointed out.

"Yeah." Arthur leaned back, spreading his arms out over the sofa again, but Merlin stayed put. "Sometimes I feel like I've already been with every man in this city and now I'm just… sifting through the leftovers or something."

"That sounds really romantic."

Arthur snorted. "Yeah."

The conversation seemed to be over so Merlin turned his attention to the telly. He pulled his arms inside his jumper again, dragging the pads of his fingers across his temporary tattoo.

"Do you ever think about dating again?" Arthur asked quietly.

"Sometimes," Merlin admitted.

"Yeah? Why don't you? How long's it been since Freya?"

Merlin thought back. "Two… two and a half years, maybe. Sometimes I think my best option is probably to find another asexual person to date but… I don't know. I haven't put much effort into finding anyone. Most of the other aces I've met haven't caught my attention, you know? I guess I'm a sucker for the forbidden fruit."

He knew that most of his previous boyfriends and girlfriends had felt the same; Merlin and his lack of interest in sex was somehow seen as exotic, even though it was really the exact opposite.

"Percy doesn't do it for you?" Arthur teased.

"Percy is very much taken," Merlin reminded him. Percy was the other ace in their group of friends and he'd been with Arthur's friend and coworker, Leon, for years. They had a polyamorous relationship that Merlin had never been able to picture himself in; they usually had a third person involved, almost always a woman, even as the two of them stayed steadily together.

Merlin had tried something similar with Freya when things got desperate towards the end of their relationship, but it hadn't been right for either of them. Secretly, Merlin was jealous of Percy and Leon's relationship; they were happy and they'd found a way to insert sex into their relationship in a way that worked for everyone. The longer Merlin went without even going on a simple date, the more he started feeling like he might never manage something so perfect as Percy and Leon's arrangement.

He tried not to let that bother him.

"You'll find someone," Arthur assured him.

Merlin shrugged. "Maybe. I'm trying to come around to the idea of it never happening. I don't mind being alone, you know?"

"You're not alone."

"You know what I mean."

"But… who's going to wipe up your drool when you're old and incompetent? Incontinent, even?"

"Arthur Pendragon — asking the real questions since 1922."

"What? Why did you just decide I'm 94 years old?"

Merlin chuckled at Arthur's annoyance. "I just like it when you do fast math."

"Now there's a weird fetish," Arthur teased.

Merlin got one of his legs free to kick Arthur.

"Sorry," Arthur said, laughing. "You're too easy, sometimes."

"I am in no way easy," Merlin pointed out.

"You are easy like Sunday morning." Arthur got to his feet and stretched, his back cracking loudly. "I should get home," he said, pulling on his long-sleeve shirt and buttoning it back up. "Thanks for the company."

"Thanks for the tattoos."

Merlin watched and waited until Arthur had put on his shoes and collected his suitcase before standing and following him to the door.

"You coming to the fair on Saturday?" Merlin asked, unlocking the door. "I'm setting up a table with Gwen to sell some gloves. Better get there early if you're interested — I've only got about 15 pairs."

"15?" Arthur asked, pretending to be shocked. "You've been slacking. 15 pairs of hand-made gloves? Ridiculous!"

Merlin elbowed Arthur in the ribs until he squirmed his way out into the hall.

"I'm supposed to go out on Friday night," Arthur explained, "but I'll try to get there before you sell out. What's Gwen got?"

"Hats, I think. Maybe some scarves if she's not saving them for December."

"Remind me about the December one when I'm not jet lagged and I'll whip up some treats."

"You're not jet lagged," Merlin reminded him.

"How dare you contradict me." Arthur pulled him for a hug. "Good night, Merlin," he whispered, giving Merlin a long squeeze.

"Night, Arthur," Merlin said as Arthur stepped away. He stood in his doorway, already missing Arthur's warmth, and watched as Arthur struggled down the stairs with the luggage. He waited until he heard the front door close before locking up again.

Merlin put away the hummus and vegetables but left the tea to deal with in the morning. He cleaned his teeth and crawled into bed to browse through photos and videos of cats and dogs on the internet until he was too tired to think about Arthur or keep his eyes open anymore, and then he fell asleep.

**~~~~**

After work on Friday, Merlin stopped briefly by his own flat to change and collect his supplies before heading to Gwen and Elyan's to spend the evening knitting. When he arrived, Gwen was already camped out in her living room with several half-finished projects littered over the coffee table. Gwen was one of Merlin's best friends; she was the one who had taught him how to knit and for the past several years they'd been setting up a table together at most of the bimonthly fairs to sell what they had made. Gwen's boyfriend, Lance, had joined them at the last several fairs to offer tarot readings.

"What is this?" Merlin asked, carefully picking up a mess of yarn that had six or seven thin needles sticking out of it and no discernible shape.

"Circular shawl. It's a work in progress, don't ruin it."

Merlin smirked and set the project down lightly. "Did you order the pizza?"

"Of course."

"Is Lance joining us?" Merlin asked. Lance often joined them for their knitting sessions, even though he didn't knit anything himself.

"Not tonight. He's staying in so he can get up early tomorrow to set up the table for us."

"That's really nice of him," Merlin said, thinking of the extra hour of sleep he and Gwen would get if they didn't have to worry about setting up in the morning.

Gwen nodded in agreement and Merlin started setting himself up in an armchair. He pulled out two pairs of gloves he needed to finish darning before the fair, a skein of yarn that needed winding, and his tablet so he could browse through patterns when he wanted a break.

"How was work?" Gwen asked, plopping down on the sofa.

"Fine. Gaius hinted he wants to get the Christmas team in place by early November, so…"

"Well, that's good news," Gwen said brightly. She picked up a mostly-finished hat and set to work on it, her fingers quickly becoming wrapped in bright yellow yarn.

"I hope so," Merlin said under his breath as he plucked at the loose ends sticking out of a glove he'd finished the night before. He had been working at the toy store for almost two years and he knew that if he didn't get promoted soon he would need to leave. If the shop wasn't going to value him and his contributions, he had no business staying there, especially if he could be better-paid elsewhere. He didn't want to leave, though; he loved the store and its customers and his co-workers and the fun environment. He'd had other retail jobs before, jobs that made him want to murder everyone in sight, but the toy shop was different and he didn't want to have to give it up.

"You're worrying too much," Gwen chided. "You have no reason to think it won't work out."

Merlin shrugged and picked up the glove to start weaving in the ends.

Gwen paused her knitting to find something for them to watch. It took her so long to decide that when she finally made her choice, the pizza had arrived. As she went outside to get it, Merlin moved all their knitting to the floor to make room on the coffee table.

"Can you get the plates?" Gwen asked when she returned, setting down the box.

Merlin handed over cash to cover his half of dinner before heading to the kitchen. He found Elyan, Gwen's sibling and flatmate and another one of Merlin's close friends, sitting at the kitchen table and reading a magazine.

"Hey. We've got pizza," Merlin said, pulling out some plates.

"I've got a date," Elyan said without looking up.

"But… pizza!" Merlin waited until Elyan finally looked up before waggling his eyebrows in what he hoped was an enticing manner.

Elyan snorted. "I've got a dinner date," they clarified. "So, thanks but no thanks."

"Where're you going?" Merlin went to the fridge to inspect the beer options. "Will there be pizza?"

Elyan set down their magazine. "I doubt it. It's some fancy new place I've not heard of. I'd be happy with just a halfway decent burger but I think he wants to impress me."

Merlin set four beer bottles down on the stack of plates. "How many dates have you been on? Does he have much more impressing left to do?"

"This is our third date. I think 'impressed' might be too strong of a word, but he's not an arse, so he's got that going for him."

Merlin smirked and picked up the plates with the bottles balanced on top. "I wish you luck."

Keeping a careful eye on his loot, Merlin walked gingerly out to the living room where Gwen quickly took the beers and set them on the coffee table.

"I offered to share with Elyan but they said they've got a hot date," Merlin explained, opening the pizza box and sliding a hot slice onto a plate. He passed it to Gwen before getting another one for himself. "They don't sound too excited for it, though."

Gwen rolled her eyes as she sat down on the sofa with her pizza. "They're just nervous. You know how they get."

Merlin sat down next to her and took a bite that was too large and too hot but delicious all the same. "What're we watching?"

" _Doctor Who_?"

"Which doctor?"

"Tenth," Gwen said, picking up the remote to choose an episode.

Merlin nodded his approval and took another bite of his dinner.

After they finished the pizza, they got back to their knitting projects as they worked their way through several _Doctor Who_ episodes.

Merlin finished sewing up three of the four gloves before he got bored and switched to rolling the skein of yarn into a ball.

"I'm thinking about knitting Arthur a jumper for Christmas," he said when they reached an episode he knew they'd both seen at least a dozen times before.

"Don't you know about the jumper curse?" Gwen asked without looking up from the hat she was working on.

"No? I've knit jumpers before."

"For yourself," Gwen pointed out. "You're not supposed to knit one for your boyfriend — you're supposed to wait until you're married, otherwise you'll break up. It's a pretty serious superstition — I can't believe you haven't come across it."

"I'm not superstitious… also, Arthur is not my boyfriend."

"He practically is."

Merlin frowned down at the half-wound ball of yarn in his hands. "But… he's not."

"He might as well be."

Merlin took a long swig of his second beer. "I don't know what you mean by that," he said flatly. "Besides, I've knit him other things before — why should a jumper be any different?"

"That's just the way the curse works."

"I knit a jumper for Freya," Merlin said.

"And you broke up. See?"

"We didn't break up _because_ of the jumper," Merlin argued.

"No, but you still broke up after you gave it to her. If I'd known you were going to do that I would have told you not to."

"It's a bit late for the advice but thanks for your concern, I guess."

"Just something to think about."

"Yes, but… as I said, Arthur isn't my boyfriend."

Gwen hummed in apparent disagreement but didn't say anything else on the matter. Merlin rolled his eyes and went back to winding up the ball of yarn.

"I got an email from Freya this week," Gwen said a while later. "She says hi."

"How is she?" Merlin asked cautiously. He wasn't used to talking about Freya so much; they'd broken up so long ago that their relationship wasn't typically relevant, but Arthur had brought her up the other night and he'd done so again himself just minutes ago.

Freya was the most serious girlfriend Merlin had had; they'd been together for over a year and a half before she moved to Cardiff for a job. She had moved to London from Scotland shortly after coming out as trans, to try to start a new life for herself, and she and Merlin had clicked immediately and been nearly inseparable until they broke up when she left for Wales.

They had stayed in touch for a while after she was gone, but eventually it dwindled down to nothing but the occasional text on birthdays or holidays. Merlin knew she kept in contact with some of their mutual friends but usually no one mentioned it to him.

"She's good," Gwen said. "She got promoted a few weeks ago."

"That's great," Merlin said, genuinely pleased. "I'm glad she's happy. Tell her I say hi when you write back. And congratulations."

"I will." Gwen pulled her needles out of the top of the hat with a flourish. "Finished!"

"Lovely."

She tossed it to him. "Will you sew in the ends for me? I have a few more to finish tonight."

"Yes, but only because I love you."

"I love you, too."

A few episodes later, Gwen had finished three hats and Merlin had sewn them all, as well as his last glove. He'd finished balling up his new skein of yarn and even bookmarked a few jumper patterns on his tablet, determined to ignore Gwen's superstitious warning.

"Okay," Gwen said when another episode ended. She got off the sofa with a groan. "I'm going to shower and go to bed. Do you need anything?"

"Nope." Merlin turned off the telly and got up to hug her goodnight. "I know where all the sheets are."

"You could probably just kip in Elyan's room. I doubt they'll be back tonight."

"Good point. Their bed is definitely more comfortable than your couch."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that," Gwen said sweetly as she disappeared down the hallway towards the bathroom.

"Good night!" Merlin called after her. He changed into the pyjamas he'd brought with him and turned off the living room lights before making his way to Elyan's room.

**~~**

"Merlin!"

Merlin woke in a panic and tried to get out of bed. That wasn't Arthur's voice and no one else had a key to his flat which meant that someone had broken in and _learnt his name_.

Laughter distracted Merlin from his battle with the blankets and he looked up to see Elyan standing over him in the dark, their bleached blond short hair nearly glowing.

"Fuck," Merlin sighed, lying back down. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I hope you don't mean that literally because otherwise you're paying for my new mattress."

Merlin groaned and rolled out of Elyan's bed as Elyan turned on a lamp.

"Sorry," Merlin said, rubbing his eyes. "We assumed you weren't coming back tonight."

"Fair assumption," Elyan admitted. They sat down on the edge of their bed to take off their shoes. "How was your evening?"

"Good — the usual. How was your date?"

"Very good." Elyan leaned back on the bed, propping themself up on their elbows, and gave Merlin a long, hard look. "You really don't like having sex?"

Merlin scoffed. "Why the hell are you asking? You've never cared before."

"Because I'm drunk and I've just had outstanding sex."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Why didn't you stay at his place, then?"

"Because I like my bed," Elyan said simply. "And I have a hard time sleeping in new places. I told him next time he has to come here." They stood and pulled off their tunic, tossing it towards Merlin. "You can stay if you want. We can talk about music."

"No, thanks." Merlin dropped the tunic on Elyan's bed and went to Gwen's room instead.

She was sitting up in her bed, reading. Merlin crawled under her covers without explanation and she shifted over to make room for him without asking for one.

Merlin rested his head on her shoulder and stared up at her book, his eyes going through each line without taking in any meaning.

"Did I hear Elyan come in?" she asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah." Merlin yawned and turned onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow. "Do you think… do you think anyone will ever get me?"

"I get you," Gwen said quietly. "Lance and Gwaine get you, I think. Arthur certainly does."

Merlin took a deep breath before turning his head to look at her. "I guess."

Gwen reached over him to set her book on the nightstand and turned on her side to face him. "Did Elyan say something stupid?"

"No. I don't know. A little."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise for them."

"No. But I'm sorry you're feeling… what are you feeling? Misunderstood?"

Merlin closed his eyes and ran through a list of everything he thought he might be feeling. 'Lonely' seemed to be at the top of the list but he settled what he thought might be a more honest answer. "Tired and grumpy. Do you want me to go sleep on the sofa?"

"Don't be silly." Gwen reached over him again to turn off the light. She curled up next to him, burying her face in his chest.

"What about Lance?" Merlin asked.

"You know he doesn't care," she said, her voice muffled in his hoodie.

Merlin sighed and wrapped an arm around her back, trying not to think about Lance or about how Freya had felt the same way in his arms: small, warm, comforting and kind, completely non-judgemental and just his. Gwen didn't feel like his — she never had and she never would. That was the way it was supposed to be, but Merlin hadn't even realised how much he missed having someone like that in his bed.

He fell back asleep slowly, focusing on the sweet smell of Gwen's curly hair.

**~~**

Merlin woke up early and spent a while trying to drift off again, but when it proved impossible he got up and went into the bathroom. He took a hot shower, which helped him feel a little more alert and ready for the day, and then went out to the living room to get clothes out of his bag. His jeans were wrinkled but he put them on anyway, along with an old t-shirt Arthur had given him several Christmases ago and a roomy jumper he'd knit for himself the year before. He liked being able to swim in his jumpers — all that extra material was oddly comforting.

When he was dressed, he headed for the kitchen to inspect breakfast options. He and Gwen didn't need to leave for another hour and a half or so, which gave him plenty of time to cook something nice before he had to start packing up his merchandise.

"Morning," Elyan said around a yawn as they came into the kitchen.

Merlin looked up from where he was digging around in the fridge. "Hey."

Elyan went straight for the coffee maker so Merlin resumed his search for anything resembling fresh fruit. He gave up when the closest things he found were a half-empty carton of orange juice and a small plastic bag full of what he could only assume was mouldy lemon zest.

"Do you want an omelette?" Elyan asked as Merlin stood.

"Are you offering to cook?"

"I'll cook if you chop the onions."

"Deal." Merlin reopened the fridge to grab an onion off one of the door shelves.

They busied themselves as the coffee brewed, Merlin chopping onions and then spinach while Elyan beat the eggs and warmed up a pan before pouring their coffees.

"I'm sorry about last night," Elyan said quietly, handing Merlin the first mug of coffee. "I was drunk and — I mean, that's not an excuse, but… I am sorry."

Merlin nodded, looking down as he blew into his mug and letting the hot steam curl around his cheeks.

"I promise not to pry in future." Elyan added.

"I don't mind being asked questions," Merlin explained, eyes still on his coffee. "I was half-asleep so maybe I over-reacted a bit but mostly it was the… the tone and the assumption… I don't know. We don't have to talk about it."

"No, but we should. Especially because I think I would feel the exact same way if you'd said something that flippant about gender — _my_ gender — and I don't want you to have to tell me that my tone or my assumptions are offensive or off-putting or anything else ever again, okay?"

Merlin looked up to give Elyan a reassuring smile. "Okay. Same goes for me."

Elyan nodded and tapped their mug against Merlin's before taking a sip of the coffee. "It's a bit strong," they warned.

Elyan turned back towards the counter and took four pill bottles out of a little basket near the sink. Merlin watched as they counted out pills on the counter, scooped them all up in their palm, and then downed them with a mouthful of coffee.

"Blech," Elyan said, coughing slightly. "I swear, they must make the pills taste terrible on purpose just to be pricks."

"Seems likely," Merlin said, smiling. "Definitely a good marketing scheme."

Elyan snorted and took another large gulp of coffee. "Seriously," they said, shuddering slightly, "it's disgusting."

"What's it for?" Merlin asked cautiously. He normally wouldn't ask — he knew Elyan was HIV positive even though it wasn't something they talked about very often — but Elyan didn't seem uncomfortable with the topic.

"Who knows," Elyan said, shrugging. "Arthur got me into a new trial last month."

"Is it… working?"

Elyan shrugged again. "It feels about the same. Ingredients all ready?"

Merlin went back to the fridge to pull out a bag of shredded cheese. "You're all set." He settled down at the table with his coffee to watch Elyan make their breakfast. "I guess make one for Gwen as well."

"Obviously."

Merlin smiled and sipped at his coffee.

They chatted for a while as Elyan cooked — about Elyan's date the night before and what Merlin and Gwen had made to sell at the fair and what bands they were both getting into lately — and eventually the first omelette was ready.

Elyan slid it onto a plate and passed it to Merlin before returning to the stove to make another.

"It's good," Merlin said as he chewed his first bite.

"Excellent, I'm starving. Should we wake up Gwen?"

"I'll do it." Merlin took another bite before getting up and letting himself back into Gwen's room. She was still asleep so he leaned over the bed and shook her shoulder gently. "Gwen. Gwen, wake up. We've made omelettes."

Gwen frowned cutely, curling into a little ball and hiding under the covers.

Merlin chuckled and pulled back the duvet. "Come on — time for breakfast."

Gwen let out a pathetic sound and stretched out for a long moment before opening her eyes. "Did you say omelettes?"

"Yeah. Elyan's making them."

"Okay." Gwen yawned and held out her hands.

Merlin pulled her out of bed and kissed her on the forehead. "Good morning. We'll be in the kitchen when you're ready."

He went back to the kitchen and found Elyan eating their omelette at the table, a third one waiting on the counter. Merlin sat down and dug in, ready to get his day started properly.

**~~~~**

When Merlin and Gwen got to the fair, Lance had already set up a table with their tablecloth and chalkboard signs. A few feet behind that, he'd also set up his usual small folding table where he would conduct his tarot readings.

Merlin spent a few minutes experimenting with the layout of the gloves he was selling, finally deciding to display them by colour. Some of them were striped or used multi-coloured yarn, but he managed to arrange them vaguely in the order of the colours of the rainbow.

Gwen's pieces took up most of the room at their table; she had 20 hats and 5 scarves to sell.

"How is it that you have almost twice as much as I do?" Merlin asked when she'd finished setting out all of her items.

"Technically, you've got more than I do — you knit thirty gloves."

"That's a weird way to look at it."

Gwen smirked and pulled out a box of chalk from her bag. "What's your price?" she asked, hovering over their sign.

"The usual — £10."

Gwen wrote 'GLOVES - £10,' followed by 'SCARVES - £25, HATS - £20, TAROT READINGS - £15 or £5 with purchase of knitwear.'

"Have your labour costs suddenly increased?" Merlin asked; Gwen usually sold her items for £10 or £15, same as him, and Lance usually offered readings for £10 or £3 as an add-on.

"It's not too much, right? We're starting to save for a trip after Lance's surgery."

Merlin glanced behind their table to where Lance was chatting with another vendor. "Maybe knock the scarves down to £15, otherwise they might not even sell."

Gwen frowned but nodded and adjusted the price on their sign before adding a few swirly doodles in the corners. When she was satisfied she set the sign in the middle the table and stepped back to admire it.

The top of the sign read 'Art & WitchCrafts' in large block capitals and it never failed to make Merlin giggle.

"When's the surgery, again?" Merlin asked when Gwen nodded her approval at their display and sat down behind the table. "It's not for a while, right?"

"Middle of January. As soon as he's recovered we're going to Greece so he can get in the sea topless."

Merlin grinned at that thought; Lance was trans and had been using a binder for years but had finally been scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy, and Merlin knew how much that meant to him.

"Sounds perfect," Merlin said as he sat down next to Gwen. "Wish I could swim in Greece without burning all my skin off." He pulled out his mobile and started up a playlist, turning the volume all the way up and setting it in the middle of the table so customers could hear the music.

Gwen chuckled. "Yeah, you wouldn't last a day under that Mediterranean sun."

Merlin sighed wistfully because it was true.

It wasn't long before more and more people started coming to the park and wandering amongst the tables. Merlin and Gwen stood up to appear more inviting and Lance joined them at the table, enticing people into buying a tarot reading with his shy smile.

Within the first hour, Merlin had sold 10 pairs of gloves and Gwen had sold all of her scarves and nearly half of her hats.

"Well, this looks like a bunch of shit."

Merlin looked up to see Gwaine, his other best friend, approaching their table with a wide, wrinkly smile.

"The best homemade shit," Merlin said proudly.

Gwaine started picking through the remains of Gwen's hats, lifting a few to inspect them more closely.

"Hideous," he declared, tossing one of the hats at Gwen.

Gwen rolled her eyes, doing a poor job of hiding her amused smile, and set about tidying the display Gwaine had messed up. Gwaine, not one to be discouraged, turned his attention to Merlin's gloves. He picked one up, turned it inside out, and then tried to put it on the wrong hand.

"You'll stretch it out," Merlin complained, snatching the glove away.

Gwaine chuckled and rounded the table to give them both a hug. "How's business? I see Lance is busy," he noted, looking over his shoulder to where Lance was explaining some tarot cards to a very earnest-looking elderly woman.

"Business is business-y," Merlin said, stepping away from the table. "Would you man my station for a bit? I want to check out the other tables."

Merlin left without waiting for an answer. He wandered for a few minutes, admiring each of the vendors' work and chatting with a few of them, until he saw Leon picking through jars of jam at a nearby table.

"Any good flavours?" he asked as he approached. Leon startled and dropped the glass jar but Merlin caught it before it hit the pavement. "Careful, there," he teased, setting it back on the table.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people."

"No," Merlin agreed, "but in my defence, you don't look like a bloke who is easily scared."

Leon laughed, conceding the point with a nod. He was tall — taller than anyone in their group of friends except for his own boyfriend Percy, who probably only had a few millimetres on him — and muscular; he usually walked with a cane and had a slight limp from an injury he'd sustained while serving in the British Army. When he frowned or looked stern it was truly intimidating.

"How was your trip? When did you get back?"

Leon picked up another jar of jam, keeping his other hand below it in case he dropped it again. "Got back last night. It was good — really productive. Did Arthur tell you what happened with Sophia?"

"Yeah, he's a real genius, that one."

Leon smirked and set down the jar before asking the vendor for a sample. Merlin took one, too, even though he had no intention to buy.

"That's delicious," Leon said appreciatively before buying two jars.

"Are you here by yourself?" Merlin asked after Leon had paid, grabbed his cane from where he'd rested it against the table, and moved on to the next booth.

"Percy's here somewhere with Lamia. I think they were trying to find a snack. Have you met Lamia yet?"

"I don't think so."

"She's great," Leon said absently, picking up a business card from the table they'd stopped at. He glanced up, peering over most of the crowd easily. "I think I see them. Come along?"

Merlin followed Leon across the park, towards the line of food trucks. It was easy to spot Percy towering over everyone else in the queue, but it wasn't until Merlin was closer that he could see the pretty brown-haired woman standing next to him. Percy had his arm around her waist and they were chatting while looking up at the menu for the truck they were in line for; they looked every bit the picture of a standard, straight couple until Percy turned to see them approaching and gave Leon a kiss.

Percy introduced Merlin to Lamia. She looked so much like Freya that Merlin ended up excusing himself after a few short minutes, claiming he had to relieve Gwaine from table-sitting duties.

When he got back to the table, Merlin saw that Gwen was missing but Arthur had arrived with a young man that Merlin had never met before, presumably his date from the night before.

"Leon and Percy are over at the mac & cheese food truck with their new girlfriend," he said as he approached the group. "I think they want to introduce her around."

Arthur set down Merlin's mobile — he had been scrolling through Merlin's playlist — and stretched up on his toes to look over at the trucks. "I'll find them later. Merlin, this is Mordred."

Merlin forced himself to smile and shake Mordred's hand. Something about Mordred made him immediately jealous, which wasn't something he normally felt towards Arthur's partners. Then again, most of Arthur's ex-boyfriends were blond and tanned and athletic, like Arthur himself, but Mordred… well, there was no denying it — Mordred looked like Merlin. He was pale and thin with a shock of floppy dark brown hair on his head.

Merlin rounded the table to put some space between himself and the happy couple. Gwaine gave him a hard look as he sat down but he ignored it, hoping that no one else was reading him as easily as Gwaine apparently was.

"Did you really make these?" Mordred asked, picking up a pair of gloves.

"Yeah." Merlin tried not to notice the way Arthur was _staring_ at him, but he could feel his skin prickling unpleasantly under that intense gaze.

"That's brilliant." Mordred tried on the gloves and flexed his fingers a few times. "It's a perfect fit. Can I buy these?"

"Obviously," Merlin said before he could stop himself. He gave Mordred a teasing smile to soften the blow. "Do you want a tarot reading for an extra £5?"

"Go on," Arthur said, pulling out his wallet. "I'll cover the reading — Lance is really good. We can do it together."

Merlin collected their money numbly and then watched as they sat at Lance's table to have their new relationship analysed.

"So," Gwaine said loudly, plopping down into Gwen's chair.

"Don't."

Gwaine rolled his eyes but said nothing about Arthur or Mordred, instead launching into the story of what had happened on the tube on his way to the fair. Merlin was pretty sure it was entirely fictional, or at least heavily exaggerated, but he played along and let Gwaine cheer him back up until he had tears in his eyes from how hard he was laughing at Gwaine's description of an ugly police constable.

"You're full of shit," Merlin decided when the story was over. He wiped his eyes, still struggling to keep his laughter under control.

"I would never lie to you," Gwaine said, "which is why I've got to tell you that there is a beautiful black girl heading straight for you. She's got lust in her eyes."

Merlin glanced up to see Gwen coming back to the table with two cups of coffee. She left one on Lance's table — he was still interpreting cards for Arthur and Mordred — and kept the other for herself as she kicked Gwaine out of her chair.

"I think I'll have a look around," Gwaine said when he'd finally got out of her way. "Try to find Leon and Perce, maybe."

"You going to church tomorrow?" Merlin asked unnecessarily — Gwaine went to church every Sunday.

"Yeah. You coming along?"

Merlin nodded. He didn't go very often but when the urge hit he liked to follow through with it, and Gwaine's habitual attendance made that easy for him. "I'll meet you there."

Gwaine waived goodbye before setting off, leaving them alone again.

"What do you think of Mordred?" Gwen asked.

Merlin shrugged and reached across the table to rearrange his remaining gloves. "He seems nice."

"You still thinking of knitting Arthur a jumper for Christmas?"

Merlin glanced under the table at the pile of all the money he'd made so far. He planned to go to the yarn store after church the next day to purchase everything he'd need for the project, or at least scout out his options.

"Yeah," he decided. "You can't stop me."

"I know." She peeled the lid off her coffee to blow into it. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."

**~~~~**

On Sunday, Merlin got up early to go running. He jogged to the Thames and then started running in earnest along the south bank, passing pedestrians and other runners as he tried to clear his head.

Music usually helped him settle his thoughts but none of his usual running playlists were doing it for him. He tried to listen to a podcast but that slowed him down for some reason, so in the end he took off his headphones and ran listening to the wind and the city morning.

He'd been bothered with thoughts of Mordred and Arthur all night and he wanted to reset himself. Arthur was not his boyfriend and he had no reason to be so jealous. The last time he'd felt anything close to that level of resentment was when Freya had attempted to sleep with other people when they'd tried an open relationship.

But Arthur wasn't his boyfriend and he had no reason to be so jealous.

Arthur normally dated people that Merlin never even thought about or at least didn't care about. Most of his relationships were short-lived and seemed to be more physical than anything else, which was something Merlin hadn't ever fully understood. Arthur seemed to get his emotional fulfillment elsewhere — at his work, from his friends, with his sister — and always went out with men that were obviously sexy but not particularly smart or interesting.

Merlin didn't know enough about Mordred to tell if he differed in that aspect, but he definitely looked nothing like any of Arthur's exes. Maybe Arthur was starting to look for something else and maybe he wanted to stop dating so many people and settle down. Maybe his tastes had changed and he was suddenly attracted to brown-haired men or maybe he liked Mordred so much that it didn't matter that Mordred wasn't his usual type.

That thought set Merlin's teeth on edge, even though Arthur wasn't his boyfriend and he had no reason to be so jealous.

In the end, the run did nothing to assuage Merlin's new-found anxiety, so he cut it short and went home to shower and get ready for church.

**~~**

Gwaine was already sitting towards the front of the chapel when Merlin arrived. Merlin usually preferred to sit in the back where he could have more space for himself and his thoughts, but he sat next to Gwaine anyway.

Gwaine greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. Merlin rolled his eyes but didn't protest. Gwaine belonged to a large Unitarian church that prided itself on being open-minded and welcoming and he liked to bask in that, so Merlin let him.

"How was your evening?" Gwaine asked.

"Boring," Merlin said as he flipped through the bulletin. "Got a head start on my knitting for December's fair."

"You live a wild life," Gwaine teased.

Merlin shrugged and set the bulletin in his lap as he looked up at the stained glass windows at the front of the chapel. He traced each line with his gaze as a sense of calm and lightness settled over him.

The service was nice; Gwaine sang the hymns too loudly and off-key but the sermon was grounding and when it was over, Merlin felt distinctly better.

"Feel like lunch?" Gwaine asked as he pulled on his jacket.

"Yes," Merlin said emphatically. He checked the time on his mobile and saw a text message from Arthur.

**Mordred and I are making chilli tonight. Impromptu dinner party… can you come?**

Just like that, Merlin was back to where'd he been that morning: jealous and confused.

"What's up?"

Merlin pocketed his mobile. "Arthur's having a dinner party tonight."

"Really?" Gwaine checked his own texts and smirked. "Aw, that's sweet."

Merlin shrugged and busied himself with his jacket. They made their way out of the chapel slowly, declining invitations to the coffee time after the service but still stopping to chat with nearly everyone they passed, including the minister.

By the time they reached the car park, Merlin's stomach was growling.

"There's a good Italian place a few streets over," Gwaine said. "Or do you want to head back towards your place?"

"Italian," Merlin decided.

"Okay. Don't let me eat too much, I have a date tonight."

Merlin snorted. "Gross."

Gwaine elbowed Merlin in the ribs. "Don't be jealous."

"I am _not_ jealous. I don't even know who you're going out with."

"E."

"You're seeing someone named E?" Merlin asked, thinking he must have misheard.

"Yeah. I imagine it's short for something but… I don't know what it is."

"I assume this is a first date?"

"Second."

"Second date and you don't even know her — his? — name?"

"Their name is E," Gwaine said simply. "You'd like them."

Merlin nodded, catching on. "Are you bringing them to Arthur's thing tonight?"

"No — it's way too soon for that. I'm surprised Arthur's introducing Mordred around this early, actually. Usually he waits longer, doesn't he?"

Merlin shrugged; he'd never paid particular attention to how long his friends waited to introduce significant others to the group.

There was a long stretch of silence as they continued walking.

"So… what did you think of Mordred?" Gwaine asked, clearly attempting to sound casual.

"Seemed nice," Merlin said.

Gwaine hummed in agreement. They reached the restaurant a minute later and were seated near the back windows.

"I've had a thought," Gwaine said as he looked over the menu.

"That's a first."

Gwaine rolled his eyes. "Have you considered that maybe… maybe _you_ should be the one going out with Arthur?"

Merlin sighed and rubbed his eyes. "No," he lied.

"Why not?" Gwaine looked up from his menu. "You're practically boyfriends already."

"We are _not_ boyfriends."

"I know. I said 'practically' boyfriends."

"Why do people keep saying that?" Merlin asked grumpily, staring down at his menu. He didn't feel hungry anymore. "We're just… close."

"Yes," Gwaine agreed. "Closer than most friends usually are. You've never thought about it?"

Merlin read over the pasta entrées without much interest. He didn't want to talk about this — he just wanted to ignore it until it went away. Arthur's relationships rarely lasted longer than a few months; eventually Mordred would be sent packing like all the rest and then Merlin could go back to enjoying his and Arthur's friendship without this awkward drama.

"It doesn't matter if I've thought about it," Merlin said quietly. "It wouldn't work out so there's no point in dwelling."

"Why wouldn't it work out?" Gwaine asked, apparently surprised.

"Because Arthur has fucked his way through every eligible bachelor in this city and I'm… me."

Gwaine rolled his eyes. "Your pity party is a real hoot, Merlin."

"Shut up," Merlin muttered, looking back down at his menu.

"There's more to relationships than sex," Gwaine pointed out.

"I'm literally the last person who needs to be told that."

Gwaine chuckled. "Right. Sorry."

Merlin sighed and closed his menu, pushing it to the edge of the table. "Look… I like what I have with Arthur. It's… it's kind of weird and complicated and we maybe don't have clear boundaries but… it's… it's fine the way it is."

"It's not," Gwaine said firmly, "but you're clearly too hungry and grumpy to talk about it rationally."

"Probably," Merlin agreed as his stomach started grumbling again.

"Are you at least going to the dinner party?"

"No," Merlin said after a moment. "I'd rather not. I was planning to go to the cinema tonight, anyway."

"Nerd," Gwaine said fondly as their waiter approached.

 

 

**NOVEMBER**

As the holiday season approached, Merlin started keeping a tally on how many days he could manage to leave work on time and without feeling sticky.

His counts were depressingly low, but he'd finally been promoted so usually he didn't mind staying late and assuming extra responsibilities. It felt nice to be needed; it felt nice to have a bit of power over something other than which toys he demonstrated in the store.

He started working more weekend shifts, though he did manage to schedule himself for mornings only on most Saturdays and Sundays, which still left him plenty of time for knitting and navigating his social life.

He'd also been avoiding Arthur. At first, it wasn't something he had done consciously. Arthur kept inviting Merlin over for dinner or games when Merlin happened to be working later shifts at the toy shop and that had been the perfect excuse. When his schedule started skewing earlier, Merlin found other reasons not to be around Arthur and Mordred: he had dinner plans with a co-worker, he had to stay in and make scarves or he wouldn't have anything to sell at the fair in December, he was ill, he'd promised Gwaine he would make an appearance at an informal Bible study.

**~~**

On a particularly dreary Saturday night, Merlin found himself avoiding Arthur by hiding at Gwaine's flat. Arthur had invited him out to a concert with Mordred and few other friends, including Gwaine. Normally Merlin would have jumped at the chance to go see some live music with his friends, but he didn't want to be stuck as the awkward third wheel — he didn't want to be stuck spending time with Mordred at all.

Merlin checked in with Gwaine to see if he was going, but Gwaine already had plans to spend the evening with E, whom he was still seeing. In a very deft manoeuvre, Merlin begged out due to a visit to his mum where she lived in Ealdor and then crashed Gwaine and E's plans because he felt bad enough about lying that he didn't want to stay in his own flat for the evening.

"You know this is getting ridiculous, right?" Gwaine asked flatly when he opened the door for Merlin. "Mordred is not that bad. He's nice!"

"I never said he wasn't," Merlin said gloomily, stepping out of his wellies. "Do I smell like wet Tube? It was particularly gross down there this evening."

Gwaine moved closer and before Merlin could protest, he stuck his face against Merlin's neck and took a big whiff.

"You smell like wet Merlin," Gwaine decided, stepping back.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Thanks." He hung his jacket on the hooks on the back of Gwaine's door.

"You walked right into that one, Merlin," E said as they stood from the sofa. They tripped over a pair of socks in the middle of the floor but managed to right themself and come over to shake Merlin's hand.

"I suppose," Merlin agreed. "Have you started the film yet?"

"Yes and we're not rewinding it for you," Gwaine said, plopping down on one end of the sofa and pulling E down next to him. They snuggled together, E's unruly blond hair sticking up in Gwaine's face.

Merlin dropped his bag to the floor as he sat down on the opposite side of the sofa. He pulled out a sleeve he was working on for Arthur's jumper and got to knitting, focusing more on the pattern he was following than the film they were watching.

"What're you working on?" E asked when Gwaine paused the film to go to the toilet.

"Jumper sleeve," Merlin said, holding up his work. He needed a measuring tape but he was pretty sure he was past the elbow already.

"You… knit the sleeves separate from the rest of the jumper?" E asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Usually. It depends on the pattern, but yeah. Then you sew up everything at the end. I've got one sleeve done so far and some of the torso bit, but that's harder to carry around."

"Is it all one colour?" E asked, picking up the ball of burgundy yarn.

"Yeah. Here," Merlin handed over his printout of the pattern.

"I like the collar bit," E said, leafing through the photos at the end of the instructions. "Are you going to sell it at the fair?"

"No, it's a present."

"Who's the lucky recipient?"

"It's… for Arthur," Merlin admitted, feeling oddly guilty. "I'm thinking of asking Gwaine to try it on at some point. They're a similar size, right?"

"Probably close. Why don't you just ask Arthur to try it on?"

"It's a surprise," Merlin said, looking down at the sleeve. "I've never knit him a jumper before. Supposedly it's… well, no."

"What?"

Merlin rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I told Gwen I wanted to knit Arthur a jumper and supposedly it's a 'curse' to knit your boyfriend a jumper before you're married but we're _not_ dating so the curse doesn't apply."

"That's a weird assumption. Why would it be a curse?"

"I don't know. Apparently it means you'll break up or something. It doesn't matter — that's not what this situation is, so…"

E was quiet for a moment and then asked, cheerily, "Beer?"

Merlin nodded and watched as E went to the kitchen, tripping over the same pair of socks along the way.

"Still here?" Gwaine asked when he emerged from the loo. He sat next to Merlin and picked the sleeve out of his lap. "What the hell is this, an elephant trunk?"

"Jumper sleeve," Merlin said, taking it back. "Do you want me to go?"

"No," Gwaine said simply. "We're fucking later, though, so you'll have to go at some point."

"Charming."

"I know. You coming to church tomorrow? I think E's going."

"I have to work until 1," Merlin said, pulling out his mobile to check the time. "I'll probably head home when the film's done and go to bed."

"Are you just giving away my beer?" Gwaine asked incredulously as E reappeared and handed Merlin a bottle.

"Yes," E said as they gave Gwaine a beer and then sat down next to him with their own.

Gwaine gave E a wet-sounding kiss before turning the film back on.

Merlin took a long swig of his beer and then went back to work on the sleeve.

**~~~~**

Sunday mornings at the toy shop were usually slow, but Merlin knew that the busy season was quickly approaching. There were just over six weeks left until Christmas and soon there wouldn't be any slow days at the store.

Near the end of his shift, Merlin circled the registers and the demonstration tables to make sure that everything was running smoothly. He was about to offer to take over for a squirming staff member who looked in need of the loo when his mobile buzzed in his pocket.

Normally, Merlin wouldn't bother trying to answer a call at work, but that was mostly because he was never called while at work. He hurried into the storage room before pulling out his mobile to check the number.

It was his mother, which was even more unusual. She knew that his work schedule varied from day to day and week to week so she always waited for him to call her.

"Hello?" Merlin answered quickly.

"Merlin," Hunith said sternly. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the shop. Why?"

"I just got a call from Camelot University Hospital."

Merlin leaned against a shelf of boxed-up toys. "Why?"

"It's Arthur."

Merlin frowned. "Arthur's in hospital?"

"Why does Arthur think you're in Ealdor?"

"Why did a hospital phone you on Arthur's behalf?"

"I supposed because he asked them to."

"Mum…"

"He crashed his bike," Hunith explained after a moment. Merlin's stomach dropped. "He told the nurses to call you here. I said I would pass on the message."

"Fuck. I mean — sorry. Is he okay?"

"That depends on whether or not you told him you were in Ealdor or if he's hit his head a little too hard and started hallucinating about where you spend your time."

"I'm sorry, Mum, I'll — I'll explain later. Which hospital did you say?"

"Camelot University. Send him my love."

Merlin hung up and went to find Gaius.

**~~**

Thirty minutes later, Merlin was peeking his head into various hospital rooms to find Arthur. He'd been given the room number but had promptly forgotten in his worried state and he wasn't even sure he was on the right floor.

Just as he was considering going back to the nurses' station to ask for the room again, he found Arthur sitting on a hospital bed, his legs dangling over the edge in a rather childish manner.

"Merlin," Arthur said, his face lit up with a ridiculous grin as Merlin entered. "You came back! I didn't think you'd make it."

"What happened?" Merlin asked, stepping closer to look for injuries. Arthur was in a hospital gown and he had some scratches on his face and bandages on his knees, elbows, and hands but he looked free of any grievous harm.

"I think I got hit by a lorry," Arthur said seriously.

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "I thought… I heard you crashed your bike?"

"That — really?" Arthur frowned. "That's all? I feel like I got hit by something massive."

"How did you get here?" Merlin pressed.

"I… um. I must have been picked up in an ambulance," Arthur said vaguely. He got gingerly to his feet, wincing. "I think —"

He took a few steps, limping rather a lot, so Merlin reached out to stop him. "How about you sit back down," he said gently, guiding Arthur back to the bed. "Maybe lie down?"

"It hurts," Arthur complained even as he complied and lay down on the hospital bed with a grimace.

"Where does it hurt?"

"Hip," Arthur said grumpily, trying to shift his weight.

Merlin watched silently as Arthur tried to get comfortable in the bed. He didn't understand — Arthur didn't seem to be that badly injured but he was definitely acting funny. Maybe he really had hit his head a little too hard.

"What happened?" Arthur asked suddenly.

"What?"

"How… did I get hit by a lorry?"

Merlin frowned and reached out to brush his fingers through Arthur's hair. "I don't think so."

"Ah, you must be Merlin!"

Merlin turned around to see a grey-haired doctor coming into the room holding Arthur's paperwork.

"Yes," Merlin said quickly. "Is he okay? What's wrong with him?"

The doctor — her name tag read Alice Mardyakhor — gave him an indulgent smile. "Concussion. We've already done a CT scan and everything looks good. Should see some improvement by tomorrow."

"Concussion?" Arthur asked. He sat up with a pained grunt. "What about my leg?"

"And a _very_ bruised hip," the doctor added. "Let's take another look. Roll onto your right side for me."

Arthur did as he was told and Merlin couldn't hold back a gasp when she lifted up his gown and exposed the red welt on his side.

"Think you want some ice now?" she asked, replacing his gown and stepping back.

Arthur nodded, wincing as he rolled onto his back.

"Boyfriend?" Dr. Mardyakhor asked, giving Merlin a kind smile as she scribbled something down on Arthur's charts.

"Uh… just regular friend," Merlin said.

"Hm." She flipped through some of the pagers in Arthur's file before setting her clipboard down. "Well, whoever you are, your presence is doing wonders. He was being _very_ difficult before you got here — barely let us touch him."

"I'm right here," Arthur complained.

"Yes and I'm sure you don't even remember." The doctor went back to the bed and held out her hands to steady and support Arthur as he sat up. "May I take off your bandages?"

Arthur nodded and she started unwrapping the gauze around his wrists. She glanced over her shoulder and called out to a nurse passing by in the hall. "Edwin! Let's get some ice for Mr. Pendragon's hip."

The nurse scurried off and the doctor turned her attention back to Arthur, slowly uncovering what Merlin realised was a rather large gash along the side of his hand.

"Don't think we can avoid sutures," she said quietly, taking a small torch out of her coat pocket and shining the light into the wound. Merlin looked away, his stomach churning at the bloody sight. "Any objections?"

"How many?" Arthur asked, frowning. "I like my hands — I don't want scars."

Merlin snorted. Leave it to Arthur to be vain about something like his hands.

"We can help you with the scarring but I do think you need to be stitched up. Might be…" she leaned a little closer, tugging gently at Arthur's hand. "Probably 7 or 8 sutures."

The nurse came in with some ice for Arthur's hip and the doctor immediately started listing off supplies she'd need to sew up Arthur's hand. Merlin helped hold the ice pack to Arthur's hip, trying not to listen to the discussion about what size needle to use.

"Did I… did I get run over?" Arthur asked, trying to use his bleeding hand to adjust the ice.

Merlin grabbed his arm and held his hand out of the way.

"You fell off your bike," Merlin said. "Apparently."

"How did I get here?"

"You rode your bike," the doctor said, taking Arthur's hand back. "Silly man."

"He rode his bike?" Merlin repeated incredulously.

"Yes." Dr. Mardyakhor pulled at a cart until it rolled over and she set Arthur's hand down on top. "Apparently it's in fine shape. Maybe he sacrificed himself for it. This might sting." She wiped something over Arthur's cut and he hissed dramatically.

"Did he say what happened?" Merlin asked, gripping Arthur's shoulder with the hand that wasn't holding onto the ice.

"Something about a stray dog."

Merlin shook his head, having no trouble at all imagining Arthur going significantly out of his way to avoid hitting a dog with his bike.

"Sit tight and I'll be back with something to numb you up," the doctor said before leaving them alone.

"How long have I been here?" Arthur asked. "You got here all the way from Ealdor?"

"Yes," Merlin said, deciding it would be simpler to keep the lie going until Arthur could remember full conversations. "Why did you call me? You have family you could have —"

"I'm not calling _him_ ," Arthur said angrily.

"I meant your sister," Merlin said, slipping his hand around to rub Arthur's back. "You could have called Leon or Gwaine or… or Mordred. Morgana certainly would have been the most appropriate choice. Why me?"

"I wanted you." Arthur frowned and lifted his hand to inspect the damage. "I didn't tell them to phone Morgana?"

"I don't know," Merlin admitted. "Want me to tell her?"

Arthur nodded so Merlin pulled out his phone to send her a text. She responded quickly.

**I'm on my way**

"Ready?" the doctor asked as she returned with the nurse.

Arthur looked at Merlin, who nodded encouragingly. Arthur gave the doctor a quick nod, looking confused, and Merlin's heart clenched in his chest. Merlin had no idea what was going on in Arthur's head but it didn't seem like he could remember anything for more than a few minutes and Merlin doubted he even knew what he'd just agreed to.

"You're getting some stitches," Merlin said quietly. "And Morgana's on her way."

Arthur nodded again, his shoulders relaxing slightly.

Merlin let go of the ice pack for a moment to round the hospital bed. He climbed awkwardly onto it, ignoring the glares of the doctor and the nurse, and sat cross-legged behind Arthur so that he could hold the ice at a more comfortable angle and avoid watching the suture process if necessary. The hospital gown was tied loosely at the base of Arthur's neck and Merlin could see bits of the red dragon tattoo on his back.

"Tell me, Mr. Pendragon," the doctor said as she started cleaning Arthur's wound in earnest, "what do you do for a living?"

"HIV/AIDS research," Arthur said through clenched teeth. Merlin gave his non-bruised side a reassuring squeeze.

"And you, Merlin?"

"I work at a toy shop," Merlin said, feeling a little ridiculous having to follow-up Arthur's impressive career with that.

"Oh? Which one?"

"Courtiers."

Dr. Mardyakhor smiled as she stared unwrapping a needle. "You must know Gaius, then."

"Yes," Merlin said, surprised. "How do you…"

"We're old friends," she said coyly. "This might hurt."

Merlin looked away just in time but could tell from Arthur's sharp intake of breath that the doctor had just stuck him with the needle.

"You should be numb in a couple of seconds," she said to Arthur before turning to the nurse to say something about the thread.

"You okay?" Merlin asked, keeping his eyes on the back of Arthur's neck.

"Yeah. My head hurts."

"I bet."

"And my hip."

"Yup. We've got ice on it."

"Did I get hit by a lorry?"

"Mhm."

"I should sue."

"Probably."

"Did you come all the way from Ealdor?"

Merlin bit down a smile and leaned his forehead against Arthur's back as the doctor and nurse started going to work on the sutures. "Yup. Rode my bike the whole way. Managed not to fall off which is more than you can say."

"You didn't ride your bike all the way from Ealdor," Arthur said. "Liar. It's not nice to lie to invalids."

"You're right. I'm very, very sorry."

"Liar," Arthur said again, fondly.

Merlin lifted his head and peeked over Arthur's shoulder. It looked like the doctor was stitching up Arthur's hand with fishing wire.

"Where were you going?" Merlin asked, looking away again.

"What?"

"You were riding your bike. Where were you going?"

"I was… riding my bike," Arthur said slowly, as if he wasn't entirely sure that was true.

Merlin wrapped his free arm gently around Arthur's middle and Arthur leaned back in the embrace, sighing sadly.

"My head hurts," he said again.

"I know."

"You can take the ice off," the doctor said after a few seconds of silence.

Merlin set the ice pack aside, his hand numb from the cold. He wrapped that arm around Arthur as well, careful not to get too close to the bruise.

"Your hand's cold," Arthur commented.

Merlin murmured his agreement and gave Arthur a slight squeeze as an apology.

"Almost finished," Dr. Mardyakhor said. "You've got nine beautiful stitches here."

"I don't want a scar," Arthur said sadly.

"We'll set you up with some vitamin E," the nurse, Edwin, said.

"Like orange juice?" Arthur asked.

Merlin grinned against Arthur's shoulder. "That's vitamin C."

"Oh. What kind of juice is vitamin E?"

"Anti-scarring juice, apparently," Merlin said when neither the doctor nor the nurse answered.

"We'll give him some cream," Edwin explained as he put a large plaster over Arthur's stitches. "He should come back in a week to get these out."

"What about his hip?" Merlin asked.

"Painkillers and ice."

"And his head?"

"Rest."

Merlin frowned, thinking there must be more that could be done.

"Excuse me."

Merlin looked up to see Arthur's half-sister, Morgana, standing in the doorway. She was wearing her homemade 'Feminist on the Streets — Feminist in the Sheets' shirt under a leather jacket and Merlin was pretty sure she'd ridden over on her motorcycle.

"How'd you know I was here?" Arthur asked, pulling his hand away from the nurse and trying to stand up. Merlin gripped his shoulders, keeping him on the bed.

"Merlin texted me. What happened?"

"Who are you?" Dr. Mardyakhor asked as Morgana stepped into the room.

"Morgana Pendragon. I'm Arthur's sister."

"We asked if he had any family we should phone and he said no," the doctor said, frowning.

Morgana rolled her eyes. "He would."

"She's my sister," Arthur confirmed, still trying to stand.

"You should lie down," Merlin said, slipping off the bed. He pushed gently at Arthur's shoulders until he took the hint.

"Actually," the doctor said, stepping back from the cart as Edwin started cleaning up the suturing supplies, "he can start getting dressed. I'll come back with some medication and as long as you can keep an eye on him, he can go home."

Merlin helped Arthur struggle to his feet. The doctor left, followed by the nurse, leaving the three of them alone.

"What happened?" Morgana asked again.

"I got hit," Arthur said, tugging ineffectively at his gown.

"He crashed his bike," Merlin corrected. He untied the back of the gown and helped Arthur shrug out of it.

"Where are my clothes?" Arthur asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Were you riding your bike in boxers?" Morgana teased.

"No," Arthur said, sounding unsure.

Merlin looked around and saw a pile of Arthur's clothes on a chair behind the bed.

"Here. Morgana, would you like to do the honours?"

"Of dressing him? No. Arthur, have you eaten?"

Arthur shrugged.

"He hasn't since I got here," Merlin said, setting out Arthur's clothes on the bed.

"I'll find a vending machine."

Morgana disappeared into the hall and Arthur shifted his weight grumpily.

"My side hurts," he said, looking down at his bruise. "What hit me?"

"A dog. Here, put this on."

Arthur's shirt was ripped in several places near the elbows but he got into it without much trouble; his jeans were another story because he was in too much pain to lift his left leg. After a lot of awkward attempts, Arthur ended up balancing gently on the edge of the bed while Merlin crouched on the floor to slip his feet into the jeans. Arthur stayed quiet and still as Merlin tugged his jeans up to his thighs, watching Merlin struggle with a small smile.

"There," Merlin said, standing and stepping away once he'd gotten Arthur's feet through the cuffs and the waist up to the bottom of Arthur's boxers. "You'll have to do the rest yourself."

"Thank you," Arthur said, sounding more sincere than he usually did. He got to his feet and pulled his jeans up the rest of the way, whimpering as he did so. There were frayed holes and several bloodstains at the knees.

"Do you want Morgana to take you home?" Merlin asked, trying not to watch as Arthur tucked himself in and did up his flies.

"No."

"Do you want me to call Mordred?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Arthur nodded and sat down on the bed. He stood back up again a second later, frowning. "Everything hurts."

"I know. I'll take you home and we can put some more ice on, okay?"

"I got some crackers from a nurse," Morgana said as he came back in. She handed over a small packet to Arthur. "How bad is his head?" she asked Merlin.

"They said he should be better by tomorrow, so… I guess it's not that bad."

Morgana watched sceptically as Arthur slowly ate his crackers. "He seems… very confused. And very pliant."

"Yeah," Merlin agreed. "I think he just needs sleep."

"I rode over, I don't think it would be wise for me to transport him."

"No, I can do it."

"How?"

"These are very dry," Arthur interrupted, speaking around a mouthful of cracker. Morgana smirked.

"Cab, probably. I took the Tube here."

Morgana took out her wallet and started pulling out bills.

"I can get it. Arthur can get it," Merlin said, trying to avoid the money Morgana was holding out for him.

"Don't worry about it. Just take it — take it, Merlin!"

Merlin held out his hand and let Morgana put the bills in his palm.

"Are you selling me to her?" Arthur asked, grinning.

Merlin snorted. "Yeah. It's been a good run but I just don't have use for you, anymore."

"You two are ridiculous," Morgana said fondly.

"Don't be jealous," Arthur teased. He balled up the cracker wrapper and tossed it towards the bin. "So… how long have I been here? Can I leave yet?"

"Almost," Dr. Mardyakhor said as she came back in. She handed Arthur some pills and a small paper cup of water. "Take two of these every six hours. I'll give you enough for today and tomorrow — after that you should only use it to sleep and if it's especially painful, understand? Otherwise you can use what you normally like to take from the chemist."

Arthur swallowed the pills quickly. "Anything else?"

"Ice your hip for 15-20 minutes at a time for the next two days to reduce the swelling. The bruise will take several weeks to dissipate but you haven't broken anything so there won't be any lasting damage."

"What about his head?" Merlin asked when the doctor looked ready to discharge them.

"He needs rest. Let him sleep as long as he wants tonight. If anything —" 

"I thought he wouldn't be allowed to sleep," Morgana interrupted.

"No," the doctor said, giving Morgana a tight smile. "Common misconception. He's allowed sleep — he needs it. If anything is worse tomorrow, bring him back in. Otherwise we'll do a follow-up when he comes to get his stitches out."

"Stitches?" Arthur asked, eyes wide. He glanced down at himself and held up his hand. "How many did I get?"

"Nine," the doctor said, smiling indulgently. "Any other questions?"

Merlin and Morgana looked at each other before shaking their heads.

"Then you're free to check him out." She handed Merlin the rest of Arthur's medication, a tube of cream for his stitches, and some extra plasters and gauze.

"Thank you," Merlin called after her as she left. He turned back to Arthur, who was frowning down at his bandaged hand. "Ready?"

"What… why don't I know why I'm here?"

"You crashed your bike," Merlin said, moving over to hold Arthur's arm. "You hit your head. You're okay, I'm going to take you home now."

"You are?"

Merlin nodded and Arthur gave him a lopsided smile. "Okay." Arthur shrugged into his jacket and then managed to take a few steps towards the door before he started groaning. "God, everything hurts," he whinged.

Merlin dragged Arthur's arm over his shoulder and tried to take some of Arthur's weight as they walked down the hall. Morgana took care of the paperwork at the nurses' station while Merlin tried to stop Arthur from sitting down in the waiting area, knowing it would be hard to persuade him to stand back up.

"All set," Morgana said after a few minutes. She handed Arthur a few sheets of paper, which he folded unceremoniously and shoved in his back pocket. "I'll get you a cab."

Merlin helped Arthur limp outside, where two cabs were already waiting and available.

"My work here is done," Morgana said, waving at one of the drivers. "Phone me if you need anything." She gave Arthur's shoulder a squeeze and headed off towards where she'd parked her motorcycle.

Merlin waved his thanks and started trying to negotiate Arthur into to the car. It took a bit of force, but eventually Arthur was settled in the back seat and then Merlin crawled in after him.

"Do you think Morgana loves me?" Arthur asked, staring out the window as the cab took off.

"Yes," Merlin said quickly. They'd had this conversation once before, when Arthur had gotten a little too drunk after a bad breakup and started evaluating all of the important relationships in his life.

"Why?"

"Why does she love you? Because she's your sister."

"No. Why do you think it's true?"

"She's paying for this cab ride."

"Oh." Arthur thought about that for a moment and then turned to Merlin, smiling. "That's very nice of her."

Merlin nodded. "Yes. She loves you. She shows it in weird ways, but that doesn't mean it's not true."

Arthur looked back out the window. "What about Mordred?"

Merlin rubbed his eyes tiredly. He wished they could just sit in silence as they drove through the city.

"I really couldn't say."

"I think he — I think he likes me too much. He's very keen."

"Arthur, I… I don't know. I can't say. I haven't spent any time with him."

Arthur turned to look at Merlin again. "Why not? Why… why don't you…"

"Because I don't want to," Merlin said, hoping Arthur would forget this conversation by the time they reached his flat. "He makes me jealous."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Merlin said again. He looked down at his hands and scratched at a freckle. "I don't want you to be with him. I want you to be with me."

"Merlin —"

"Actually, I really don't want to hear your response to that. I need you not to talk for about five minutes, okay?"

"Merlin —"

"No. I'm not going to let you respond. Just sit tight and we'll be at yours in no time."

"You're no fun."

"Nope. I am a no-fun friend and this is a no-fun cab."

Arthur's mobile rang and Merlin ran his hands over his face, grateful for the saving grace and wondering where he'd gotten the courage to say those things.

"Answer this," Arthur said, handing over his mobile. "I don't want to see him."

Merlin glanced at the mobile and saw that it was Mordred. "What — no, if you don't want to see him then don't answer the call."

Arthur slid his thumb across the screen, answering the call, and shoved his mobile into Merlin's hand.

Merlin rolled his eyes and took a deep breath before lifting it to his ear.

"Hi — Mordred?"

"Yes… who's this?"

"This is Merlin. Um… Arthur crashed his bike and he's got a concussion. We're just —"

"What?"

"Yeah. He's fine, he's fine. He had to get some stitches on his hand and, yeah, he has a concussion. We're just leaving the hospital."

"What happened? Where are you?"

"We're in a cab. He crashed his bike somewhere… I'm not really sure of the details, his concussion is, uh, affecting his short-term memory. It should be better tomorrow, according to the doctor."

"Can I come over? Are you taking him home? I'll come over."

"No, no… um. I mean, that's really nice of you to offer, but I think I'm just going to put him to bed as soon as he's home. He just needs rest and… oh, yeah, he bruised his hip pretty bad so I'm going to help him ice it but — I've got it under control."

There was a long silence and Merlin swore in his head. He looked over at Arthur but Arthur was looking out the window to avoid eye contact.

"Are you sure? I don't mind. It won't take me long to get there."

"I'm — yeah, I'm sure. I'm sorry. He's just a little overwhelmed and confused and in pain and I just…"

"Sure. Right. Well… tell him — tell him I'll stop by tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye."

Merlin hung up and handed Arthur's mobile back. "Why did you make me do that?"

"It's simpler this way."

"I don't know what that means. Why don't you want to see your own boyfriend?"

Arthur shrugged and placed a call to Leon. "Hey. Look, I can't come into work tomorrow. Can you cover for me? Tell them I got trampled by a rhino."

Merlin grabbed Arthur's mobile away. "Hi, Leon, this is Merlin. Arthur crashed his bike and he has a concussion and now he's high on painkillers."

Leon chuckled. "That's… is he okay?"

"He should be, yeah. He got some stitches in his hand."

"Shit."

"Yeah, he's pretty banged up but nothing's broken and the doctor said his head should start getting better tomorrow. Can you let whoever needs to know that he needs a few days off?"

"Absolutely. Take care of him, yeah? Let me know if I can help."

"Will do. Bye." Merlin hung up and pocketed Arthur's mobile to keep him from calling anyone else.

"My ass is killing me," Arthur said, squirming.

"I believe it," Merlin said. "Sit tight. We'll be there in a few minutes."

"Where are we going?"

"Home."

"Oh, good. Wait, my home or your home?"

"Yours."

"Oh, good."

Arthur stayed quiet for the rest of the ride, looking out the window. Merlin was grateful for the silence at first, but then he started replaying their conversation in his head. He had never voiced his feelings for Arthur before — not to himself, not to anyone.

For years, he hadn't quite been sure. Arthur was special — he knew that without any doubt. Arthur was his — his friend, his best moral support, his shelter in the storm. Arthur was out of reach — he knew that without any doubt, too. There had never been reason to dwell or inspect what he might feel for Arthur because it would never matter. If anything was meant to happen between them, it would have happened already.

Merlin had spent too long pretending that he was happy with his friendship with Arthur living in an unsatisfying limbo. Mordred was the first real threat Merlin had felt to their bond and it was uncomfortable to finally face the truth.

The truth was that Merlin liked Arthur, wanted Arthur, and didn't want to share him. The raw realisation of how long he had felt that way made dealing with Mordred too painful.

"Sir?"

Merlin broke out of his thoughts and realised the cab had stopped.

"We're here," the driver said, sounding annoyed.

Merlin hurried to hand over Morgana's money. He crawled out of the car and went around to the other side to help Arthur out of his seat. Arthur was smiling and limp, which made it hard to guide him across the pavement, but he wasn't making the pained noises he'd made at the hospital.

"Will you dance for me?" Arthur asked when Merlin had finally managed to get him inside his flat.

"What?" Merlin negotiated Arthur into a chair in his living room.

"Dance! Do your floppy white boy dance."

"I'm not familiar with that one." Merlin went into the kitchen to get Arthur a glass of water, wondering how much of Arthur's strange behaviour was due to the concussion and how much to the painkillers. When he came back, Arthur was no longer in the living room.

"Arthur?" Merlin called out, looking around.

He heard a muffled noise from Arthur's bedroom so he went over, expecting to see Arthur splayed across the bed. Instead, he found Arthur standing by his dresser and struggling with a t-shirt.

"What are you doing?" Merlin set down the glass of water and went over to help. "You're supposed to take off the first shirt before you put on another one."

"Oh," Arthur said, disappointed. He wiggled out of the second shirt and pushed it to Merlin to hold while he stripped out of his other shirt.

"Why are you changing?" Merlin leaned down slightly to inspect the bruise on Arthur's side. It looked angry in shades of red and purple. Merlin couldn't fathom how painful it must be for Arthur — he imagined it went through muscles and down to the bone and made everything excruciating.

Arthur seemed to be in good spirits though, thanks to his medication. He took his shirt back and slipped it on before admiring himself in his mirror.

"I look terrible," he commented, brushing his fingers over the red scratches on his cheek. "What the hell happened?"

"You fell off your bike. No, don't —" Merlin sighed as Arthur pulled the gauze and plasters off his elbows. "We're just going to have to put something back over those," he said, taking the bloody bandages out of Arthur's hands. "You really banged yourself up."

Arthur started picking at the plaster on his hand but Merlin grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"It itches," Arthur complained.

"I'm sure it does but you need to leave it alone. Come on, let's fix up your elbows."

Arthur let Merlin guide him into the bathroom. Merlin closed the toilet lid and pushed Arthur down until he was sitting.

"Stay," he commanded, grinning when Arthur pouted. He wet a flannel in the sink and patted Arthur's elbows, trying to clean off some of the dried blood.

"That hurts," Arthur muttered.

"No, it doesn't. Can you sit still for a minute while I go get your bandages?"

Arthur shrugged, pouting again. Merlin rolled his eyes and pulled out his mobile. He put on some music to distract Arthur and left it behind as he went out to the living room to look through the supplies the doctor had given him. He picked out some gauze and plasters that looked large enough and returned to the bathroom to find Arthur shirtless and poking at his own bruise.

"Don't do that," Merlin said, pulling Arthur's hands away. "We'll put some ice on it in a minute."

"It's very warm," Arthur commented. "Lots of blood. And you listen to some weird music."

"It's Florence and the Machine, it's not weird. Arm up."

Arthur complied, staying still and quiet while Merlin dried off his scraped elbows and bandaged them back up.

"You're lucky I love you because this is pretty gross," Merlin said when he was finished. He turned to wash his hands and heard Arthur saying something, but he couldn't make it out over the running water. "What'd you say?" he asked, turning off the tap and drying his hands on his slacks.

"I love you, too."

Merlin glanced over to see Arthur looking at him with an open, earnest, unbearably tender expression. His heart gave a weak stutter but he forced himself to ignore the strange moment.

"Okay, let's get you back to bed. Put your shirt on."

"I don't wear shirts to bed," Arthur complained even as he pulled the shirt over his head.

"I know, but I'm not letting you sleep naked while I'm babysitting."

"I'm not a baby."

"You're — wow," Merlin paused, noticing what shirt Arthur was wearing for the first time. It was another of Morgana's homemade 'Feminist on the Streets — Feminist in the Sheets' shirts. She'd made at least a dozen and given or sold them to her friends, although Merlin had never seen anyone but her actually wear one.

Arthur stood up, wincing as he did so. Merlin frowned, hoping the painkillers weren't already wearing off. He led Arthur back to the bedroom and helped pick out a pair of loose cotton pants to wear.

Arthur shucked out of his jeans and then, before Merlin could stop him, out of his boxers as well.

"You're shameless," Merlin said, turning away and opening a drawer to find Arthur a clean pair to put on.

"I'm just living my life."

Merlin snorted. "Okay." He tossed another pair of boxers to Arthur and kept his eyes on the floor until he was sure Arthur was decent again. When he looked back up, Arthur was about to peel off the bandages from his knees. "Let's leave those on for now," Merlin said, reaching out to grab Arthur's wrists. "They might be worse than your elbows and I think we need to buy more plasters first."

"My jeans are ruined," Arthur said mournfully, kicking them away.

"You've got plenty more," Merlin reminded him.

"My jacket's ruined," Arthur continued, "and my shirt."

"Yes, but _you_ aren't ruined. Your clothes sacrificed themselves for you. You should be grateful."

Arthur looked down at his jeans again, frowning. "They… sacrificed themselves," he said slowly.

"Don't take that literally," Merlin warned. He pushed the cotton bottoms at Arthur and watched as Arthur struggled into them. "Lie down," he instructed, backing out of the room. "I'll get you some ice. Don't take off any more plasters."

Arthur pulled a face but sat down obediently on his bed. Merlin went back to the kitchen and found two small ice packs in Arthur's freezer. He wrapped them in paper towels and took them to the bedroom, where Arthur was sprawled on his back and looking up at the ceiling with a strange fascination.

"You are very drugged," Merlin said as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I feel like I got hit by 5 cars."

"Maybe you did."

"Did I?" Arthur lifted his head. "I can't remember. It's very weird."

"I know. As far as I was told, all that happened is that you crashed your bike."

"Did I break it?"

"No… I think it's still at the hospital."

"Does it need surgery?"

Merlin chuckled and lay down next to Arthur. "I think it'll pull through. Ready for the ice?"

"For my hand?" Arthur asked, holding up his bandaged hand.

"No, your hip."

Arthur rolled onto his right side, towards Merlin. "Is it broken?"

"Your hip? No, it's just bruised. A lot. Lift your shirt up."

Arthur tugged at the side of his shirt until the top of the bruise was exposed. He lifted the elastic waistbands of his boxers and pyjamas as well, pushing them down to his thigh.

"That looks terrible," Merlin said, mostly to himself. He pulled Arthur's boxers back up and placed the icepacks between them and the pyjamas, using the waistband to hold them in place.

"Cold," Arthur muttered, rolling onto his back again. "Ouch." He squirmed around for a minute, trying to find a comfortable position, and eventually settled on curling onto his right side again, facing Merlin. "Can we watch _Star Wars_?"

"Do you mean _Star Trek_?"

"You know I don't."

Merlin let out an exaggerated sigh. "Can we just listen to music instead?"

"No. _Star Wars_."

"The things I do for you," Merlin teased. He grabbed two remotes off Arthur's bedside table and played around with them until he was able to turn on the telly and scroll through Arthur's movie collection. "Which one?"

" _Star Wars_ ," Arthur said again.

"Right. You've got seven films here. Which one?"

"The first one."

Merlin shook his head, trying to bite back a smile. "The first episode or the first film? Why am I even — I could put on _Star Trek_ and you wouldn't even know the difference."

"I would. You wouldn't do that."

"No," Merlin agreed. "I wouldn't, even though I should because _Star Trek_ is obviously better."

"You're very wrong," Arthur muttered, closing his eyes. "Just put it on."

"We still haven't established which one."

"The — the first one! The one with Luke."

Merlin chuckled and put on _A New Hope_. "Okay, it's on. Happy?" He moved to put the remotes back but Arthur reached out and wrapped his fingers around Merlin's arm, holding him still.

"I like your wrists," he said, dragging the pads of his fingers over the veins and bones in Merlin's wrist.

Merlin's breath caught in his throat; the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he felt something inside of him yearning to move forward and give Arthur a kiss. He closed his eyes and made himself take a deep breath.

"That's pretty specific."

"You're specific."

"Yes," Merlin agreed even though he didn't understand.

Arthur let go of Merlin's wrist. "Can you read me the movie?"

"What?"

"The scrolling thing."

Merlin looked up at the telly and realised that Arthur was facing the wrong way and couldn't see it. "Do you want to put your head down there?" he asked, gesturing to the foot of the bed. "That way you can see the screen and still lie on your right side."

"No," Arthur said, closing his eyes and again and pulling all his limbs close. "Just read it."

Merlin obeyed, reading through several paragraphs of background information that he didn't understand or care about. When the music died down and the first scene began, he looked down at Arthur again.

Arthur had his face pressed into his pillow, his mouth hanging open. One of his hands was gripping the corner of the pillow and his other hand was tugging at the v-neck of his shirt. Merlin had never seen Arthur look graceful while sleeping and the painkillers didn't seem to be helping; he was clutching at whatever he could get his hands around.

Merlin reached out and brushed the hair off Arthur's forehead, hoping that the scratches on his face wouldn't leave any lasting scars.

Arthur hummed contentedly as Merlin played with his hair, pressing his face harder into his pillow and occasionally letting out something that sounded more like a moan. After a few minutes, he quieted down as he fell asleep and Merlin was left to watch _Star Wars_ alone.

A few scenes into the movie, Merlin lifted up Arthur's shirt to take the ice out of his pyjamas. Arthur stirred, frowning ridiculously, and let go of the pillow to grab at Merlin's hand. He laced their fingers together and rested their hands against his chest, giving Merlin's hand a squeeze.

Merlin's heart clenched in his chest as he fought the urge to cuddle up with Arthur and fall asleep wrapped together. He pulled his hand away and tugged at the ice packs until they were freed.

"Why?" Arthur muttered, opening one eye.

"I'll be right back." Merlin rolled off the bed and went into the kitchen to put the ice packs back in the freezer. He poured himself a glass of water and drank it slowly as he reminded himself where he was and what his relationship with Arthur was and why those boundaries existed.

When he got back to the bedroom, Arthur had shuffled under the covers and slid over to what had been Merlin's spot. Merlin lay down where Arthur had been and turned down the volume on the telly so Arthur could sleep.

"Don't," Arthur whispered without lifting his head off the pillow.

"Don't what?"

"Don't turn it off."

Merlin smirked and raised the volume slightly. "I didn't."

"Come here."

Merlin turned onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. "Do you need anything? Water? More blankets?"

Arthur reached out behind himself until he found Merlin's arm to tug around his chest. Merlin tried to pull away but Arthur tightened his grip, which was surprisingly strong considering the stitches.

"Come _here_ ," he said again, a bit louder.

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'm not."

"Arthur —"

Arthur turned his head as far as he could, which left him looking up at the ceiling. "Why won't you cuddle with me?"

"You know I'm not your boyfriend, right?" Merlin asked before he could stop himself.

"You practically are," Arthur said under his breath before pressing his face back into the pillow.

Merlin shook his head, knowing there was no point in arguing with a drugged, concussed, and sleepy Arthur, but not wanting to concede the point, either.

"I'm not your boyfriend," he said firmly.

"Fine," Arthur said, his voice muffled. "Just come here."

Merlin pressed his forehead to the back of Arthur's neck and sighed. "Arthur…"

"Just sleep," Arthur said sensibly. He tightened his grip on Merlin's wrist until Merlin complied and got under the covers. "Sleep," he said again, tugging Merlin closer.

Merlin shifted until he was sure that his arm wasn't pressing against Arthur's bruise. "You're ridiculous," he said without much bite. "What is this going to accomplish?"

"Safety. And I like looking at you."

"You're not looking at me," Merlin pointed out.

"I can pretend. Looking at you makes me happy."

"Right," Merlin said slowly, not entirely convinced that Arthur knew that he was Merlin and not Mordred.

"I get a little giddy every time I see your face. I wish I saw it more often." When Merlin couldn't think of anything to say and didn't respond, Arthur added, "Thanks for coming all the way from Ealdor. I'm sorry I got run over."

Merlin shook his head, still unable to think of a proper response. Arthur didn't say anything else and within a few seconds, his breathing evened out and he was asleep again.

"You're going to ruin me," Merlin muttered as he adjusted himself on the bed until he was more comfortable. He curled himself around Arthur's body and let himself forget about Mordred and incompatibility and improbability and impropriety as he drifted off.

**~~**

Merlin woke up a few hours later when Arthur started stirring. He didn't immediately understand where he was or who was moving but when Arthur started groaning he bolted upright, worried he had hurt Arthur in his sleep.

"Fuck," Arthur moaned, trying to stretch out his legs. "Oh, God, what the fuck?"

"Hey, hey," Merlin said soothingly, giving Arthur's shoulder a squeeze. "You're okay."

"I'm dying!"

"You're —" Merlin bit down a laugh at the exquisite expression on Arthur's face as he managed to roll onto his back. "You're not dying."

"I'm dying," Arthur insisted. "Call the priest."

"You're _not_ dying. And you're not Catholic."

"Call the rabbi, then."

"You just need more painkillers."

"God, yeah." Arthur let out a long whimper as he sat up. "Did I fall off a skyscraper?"

"Just off your bike." Merlin kicked off the covers and got to his feet. He rounded the bed and held out his hands, helping Arthur up.

"I don't think I can walk," Arthur said, clutching his side as he limped out of his bedroom.

"You are walking," Merlin pointed out, holding Arthur's shoulders to steady him.

"I wish I wasn't."

"You could have stayed in bed," Merlin pointed out. He eased Arthur into a chair at the kitchen table and quickly pulled the ice packs out of the freezer. He wrapped them in paper towels again and helped Arthur set them under the waistband of his pyjamas.

"That's too cold," Arthur said through clenched teeth.

Merlin hummed in agreement as he counted out two pills. He gave them to Arthur with some water and then started picking through Arthur's cabinets, looking for something they could eat with relative ease.

"When's the last time you did the shopping?" He asked, opening another mostly-empty cupboard.

"There's yoghurt in the fridge."

"You need actual food."

"Yoghurt is actual food."

"I mean — you need a meal."

"No," Arthur moaned. "Just yoghurt."

Merlin sighed but decided not to argue. He pulled out two yoghurt cups and two spoons and then joined Arthur at the table to eat.

"My head feels… why can't I remember falling off my bike? What time is it?"

Merlin glanced over at the microwave. "Just past eight. We slept for a while."

"I can't remember anything." Arthur rubbed at his temples. "What… why are you wearing your Courtiers uniform?"

"I… worked this morning," Merlin admitted. "I wasn't in Ealdor."

Arthur frowned and licked off the back of his spoon. "I thought… what day is it?"

"Sunday. I — I told you I was in Ealdor and that was why I couldn't go out with you last night but really I was just at Gwaine's."

Arthur set his spoon down, rubbing his temples again. "Why?"

"I didn't want to go and I came up with a shitty excuse." Merlin bit his lip, watching Arthur for a reaction other than confusion.

"Okay," Arthur said quietly. "That's… I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."

"That might be true," Merlin admitted. "I'm sorry. I'll do a better job."

Arthur shrugged, picked up his spoon, and went back to his yoghurt.

"How are you feeling?" Merlin asked when they were both finished.

"Like I want to go back to bed."

"We can do that. You have to take the ice off, though."

Arthur winced as he leaned back in his chair and pulled the ice packs out of his pyjamas. "Remind me to never ride my bike again," he said, tossing the ice towards Merlin.

"Somehow I doubt this will stop you." Merlin put the ice packs in the freezer and then helped Arthur crawl back into his bed.

"What happened to my hand?" he asked, flexing it gently.

"You had to get some stitches. You've got giant plasters on your knees and elbows, too. And your face is a bit scratched up."

"Shit." Arthur curled up on his right side, grimacing, and pulled the covers over himself. "Can we watch _Star Wars_?"

Merlin fought not to rolls his eyes. "Which one?"

"The first one."

"Fine. But only because you're kind of breaking my heart right now." Merlin restarted the movie and lay down next to Arthur, staying above the covers since he knew he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep.

"I'm very debonair," Arthur said randomly. A few seconds later he was already snoring.

Merlin watched the film with as much interest as he could muster and when it was over, he begrudgingly started the second one.

**~~**

Eventually, Merlin fell asleep and when he woke up the next morning, he was alone. He scrambled out of Arthur's bed — he had still been on top of the covers — and hurried out to the living room. He found Arthur in the kitchen, squinting at the bottle of painkillers.

"Sorry," Merlin said, rounding the counter to get Arthur a glass of water. "I didn't hear you get up."

Arthur shrugged and set down the bottle. He rubbed his eyes and gave Merlin a hard look. "Why were you in my bed?"

"You — you don't remember anything?"

"No. I don't feel hungover… and I'm covered in bandages and I've got a fucking insane bruise on my side."

"You crashed your bike. Here, sit down."

Arthur sat down gingerly at the table and accepted the water and two painkillers from Merlin.

"How did I crash my bike? Where is my bike? Where… God, what happened?"

"Your bike's at the hospital. Apparently you crashed it trying to avoid hitting a dog and then you rode it all the way to hospital. You had a concussion, that's why you can't remember anything, I think."

Arthur frowned, looking down at his bandaged hand. "A dog?"

"Yeah. That's what you said, at least."

"Hm. Well… that sounds like something I would do."

"Yeah. You had to get stitches on your hand… you're supposed to go back in a week to get them taken out."

"I don't ever want to move again," Arthur moaned.

"The painkillers will kick in soon," Merlin promised. "Do you want breakfast?"

Arthur shook his head and then, thinking it over, nodded instead. "I guess I should."

"You don't have too many options. Just toast, I think."

"Toast is good." Arthur tried to rest his arms on the table so he could put his face in his hands, but he couldn't seem to stand putting pressure on his elbows. He sighed loudly, leaning back in his chair with an exaggerated pout.

"Ice," Merlin remembered suddenly. He pulled the ice packs out of the freezer and helped Arthur arrange them properly over the bruise.

"My head hurts," Arthur said mildly. "How hard did I hit it?"

"Hard enough. Oh, I have…" Merlin pulled Arthur mobile out of his pocket and slid it across the table before busying himself with the toaster.

"Why are you wearing your work uniform?" Arthur asked after a few minutes. "How did we get here? Did you pick me up from the hospital?"

"Yes. You had them call me so I came to get you."

"I had… they didn't call Morgana?"

"No, but I texted her and she was there for a bit until I took you home."

Arthur rolled his head around with a wince, cracking his neck. "I don't remember anything. I'm sorry… thank you for taking care of me."

"You know I'd do anything for you," Merlin said with a smile.

Arthur shrugged. "Did you… did you come from Ealdor? Why are you wearing your work uniform?"

Merlin stacked four slices of toast on a plate and set them down on the table with some butter and jam.

"I was working yesterday morning. I went to the hospital straight from work."

"Weren't you in Ealdor? What day is it? Was I in a coma or something?"

"No," Merlin said gently. "Today's Monday. I lied about being in Ealdor. I was here. I'm sorry."

Arthur frowned as he buttered up a slice of toast. "Why did you lie?"

"It's not important. It was stupid and it doesn't matter."

Arthur took a few bites of his breakfast, staring out the living room window. Merlin took that as a sign that the conversation was over so he slathered butter and jam on his own slice and scarfed it down, realising just how hungry he was.

"Mordred's coming over," Arthur said after he'd finished his first slice.

"What?"

Arthur tapped his mobile.

"Now?" Merlin asked, his heart sinking.

"In a bit. He wants to know if I need anything." Arthur took another slice of toast and slowly spread it with butter. "Do I?"

"Do you what?"

"Need anything?"

"You need more groceries," Merlin pointed out. "And some plasters."

Arthur nodded and sent off a text before eating his second slice.

When they were done eating, Merlin tossed the ice packs back in the freezer and then helped Arthur into his bed.

"Will you stay?" Arthur asked, holding onto Merlin's hand when he turned to leave.

"I just have to put the butter away," Merlin said, stepping out of Arthur's reach. "I'll be right back."

He cleaned up the kitchen and took a few minutes to write out some instructions for Mordred before crawling back into Arthur's bed. He pulled out his mobile and started playing some quiet music, hoping Arthur would fall back asleep.

"Will you stay?" Arthur asked again. He was curled onto his right side again and he dragged Merlin's arm over him, forcing Merlin to cuddle up.

"I'm right here," Merlin said soothingly. "Mordred will be here soon."

"Will you stay?" Arthur asked pointedly.

"I — no, I can't," Merlin lied. "I have work this afternoon."

Arthur mumbled something in response. Merlin gave Arthur a slight squeeze, savouring their last few minutes alone together.

 

 

** DECEMBER **

**Mulled wine, Merlin. MULLED. WINE.**

Merlin glared down at his mobile, annoyed that Arthur wasn't going to let this go. Arthur was inviting everyone over on Boxing Day and Merlin didn't want to go — he didn't want to watch Arthur and Mordred snuggling together in the afterglow of Christmas — but Arthur wasn't making it easy.

As much as he wanted to, Merlin really couldn't blame Arthur for being insistent. He'd successfully got out of almost every social event leading up to the holidays thanks to his busy work schedule, but it didn't seem like Arthur was going to take 'no' for an answer this time.

_Who else is going?_

Merlin sent his reply with a twinge of guilt. He knew he needed to get over his jealousy. It wasn't Mordred's fault that Merlin could never be with Arthur. And, if Merlin was honest with himself, it was true that Mordred was perfectly nice.

He'd managed to spend time with Arthur and Mordred only twice since Arthur's accident and it had been at least three weeks since the last time they were all together. Arthur's stitches were mostly healed, his elbows and knees were scabbed over but getting better, and the bruise on his side was slowly working its way through all the colours of the rainbow.

**Everyone. Please? I miss you**

Merlin dropped his mobile to the floor, lay back on his bed, and draped his arms over his face.

He missed Arthur, too. The game he'd been playing of avoiding Arthur and Mordred hadn't brought him any happiness or relief; all it had really given him was a sense of emptiness. Arthur was his friend and he hated that they weren't spending time together.

And it was the holidays.

And he needed to get over Mordred.

Merlin pushed himself out of bed and picked up his mobile.

_Okay, let met know what time_

"Are you ready?"

Merlin looked up to see his mother standing in the doorway to his childhood bedroom. He straightened his tie and shrugged into his suit jacket, waiting for her nod of approval at his Christmas Eve attire.

"Lovely," she said, stepping into his room. She kissed his cheek sweetly. "Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas, Mum."

Merlin followed Hunith downstairs, where he bundled up in a scarf and his winter coat before walking with her a few streets over to her church.

Merlin loved coming home for Christmas — he got to see the old neighbourhood and his mother's friends and bask in the welcoming nostalgia. Best of all, he liked the Christmas Eve service at the local church. It was never anything fancy — a few scripture readings, a few familiar hymns — but it was a tradition that he cherished.

He thought about Gwaine, enjoying the services in London, and wished he could feel that level of comfort in his faith. Gwaine was so _sure_ in what he believed — Merlin had always wanted something like that, but he had never quite got there. He had too many questions and too many other priorities in his life, but he still liked following Gwaine or his mother to church when he had the chance. He didn't know if he would ever feel like the church was his home but he hoped it didn't matter; he always felt welcome anyway and he enjoyed the sermons and the songs.

When the service was over, Merlin stayed close to Hunith as she chatted with the other churchgoers, letting her show him off as her handsome son who was home on holiday.

Eventually they made it back home, where they stayed up playing card games and drinking wine and watching Christmas movies until they both fell asleep on the sofa.

**~~~~**

Merlin spent most of Christmas at his mother's, exchanging gifts and stuffing himself full of pudding and making her listen to most of his extensive collection of Christmas-themed music. He gave her two hand-knit scarves, each with a matching hat and pair of gloves, and a gift certificate to her favourite restaurant. In return, Hunith gave him two loaves of the beer bread he'd specifically requested she make, two skeins of yarn, and a gift certificate to buy even more yarn.

That evening, Merlin took the train back home and went to bed after compiling a playlist for Arthur's party the next night. On Boxing Day, he opened up the toy shop and worked over ten hours, helping his staff process returns and sell the store's post-Christmas sale items.

He came home exhausted and sticky and desperate for a nap. He stripped out of his uniform and let himself sleep on the couch for an hour before he got up to take a shower and prepare himself for going over to Arthur's.

Merlin still didn't really want to go; he would rather spend his evening listening to music and browsing through knitting patterns to decide on his next project. He knew he had to go, though. He'd made enough of a show of himself over the past two months and a holiday party was as good a time as any to try to repair the damage.

**~~**

When Merlin arrived at the party, everyone except Mordred was already there and Arthur's flat looked like Christmas and Hanukkah had mated and then thrown up all over the living room.

There were two electric menorahs on the windowsills and a third traditional one with lit candles on top of a low bookshelf near the front door. Little colourful Stars of David and manger scenes were hanging from every curtain and lampshade. Most conspicuously, Arthur had strung up paper cut-outs of dreidels on the wall behind his small fake Christmas tree, which was topped with a reindeer wearing a Santa hat.

Leon was sitting on the sofa with his arm around Lamia, laughing at Percy, who was apparently already drunk on the mulled wine and doing a strange, uncoordinated jig with Leon's cane. Lance and Gwen were sharing an armchair and talking with Elyan and the guy they'd been seeing since October, who were sitting nearby. Gwaine was there with E. Even Morgana had made an appearance and brought a date.

Merlin hadn't anticipated being the only single person at the party and the unpleasant reminder of how lonely he was put a pit in his stomach; he still made himself smile when Arthur let him in and as he went around to give everyone hugs.

After he was finished greeting everyone, he went over to the stereo and unplugged Arthur's mobile, replacing it with his own so he could play the mix he'd made specifically for the party. Everyone cheered at the first song and Merlin grinned triumphantly, sitting down next to Lamia to watch Percy continue being a fool.

Within seconds, Arthur went into the kitchen, waving for Merlin to follow. Merlin could feel everyone watching him as he got back up and crossed the living room but he tried to shrug off the feeling of impending doom.

"Mulled wine?" Arthur asked, gesturing towards a pot on the stove.

Merlin nodded and leaned against the counter as Arthur ladled him out a large portion.

"Thanks," Merlin said when Arthur handed him a glass. "It smells good."

Arthur filled up a glass for himself and knocked it against Merlin's. "Happy Christmas."

"Happy Hanukkah."

Arthur grinned and leaned in to kiss Merlin on the cheek before taking a sip of his wine.

They drank in silence for a minute, the moment only broken by a round of laughter from the living room.

"How's your mum?" Arthur asked.

"Good. She says hi."

Arthur smiled and took a large gulp of his mulled wine. "Well… I have your present. Don't let me… let you leave without giving it to you."

Merlin bit down a smile. "Are you drunk already?"

"A little," Arthur admitted. "I let Gwaine make the wine."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. Make sure you drink some water next. And there's food on the coffee table. I made a few batches of brownies."

Merlin nodded and glanced back at the living room and the array of chocolate treats on display in front of the sofa.

"Mordred on his way?" he asked, trying to sound friendly and genuinely interested.

"Ah — no. He… he's gone."

"Gone," Merlin repeated. "Home for Christmas?"

"No — gone. Gone… gone. I'm not seeing him anymore."

Merlin felt himself starting to drop his glass and tightened his grip quickly. "You're not? Since when?"

"About two weeks ago."

"What? Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't anybody… nobody said anything. I stopped by your table at the fair last weekend and you didn't say anything!"

"You didn't ask."

"I — no. I guess I didn't."

Arthur nodded and took another long drink. "Anyway, it's… yeah."

"I'm sorry," Merlin said, the situation sinking in. "I wish I'd known. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Arthur gave him a small smile. "It was just… you know, he was fun but he wasn't the one."

"Did you mean to rhyme?" Merlin teased. "Is that your motto or something? 'If he's fun, he's not the one?'"

Arthur chuckled. "No, I need my one to also be fun, otherwise he's definitely not going to be the one."

Merlin stepped forward to stop Arthur from refilling his glass with more mulled wine.

"Water, remember?"

"Right." Arthur handed over his glass and let Merlin fill it at the tap. "Thanks. Come sit with me?"

Merlin nodded and Arthur slung an arm around his shoulders and guided him out to the living room. They sat on the love seat by the window, Arthur's arm still draped over Merlin. Merlin reached up to pat his hand and Arthur laced their fingers together, holding casually on to Merlin as he started laughing at Percy's jig and joining his guests in light-hearted conversation.

Merlin had only planned to stay for an hour or two — he had a good enough excuse to leave, since he'd worked so long that day and had to work the next afternoon, and he had wanted to avoiding spending longer than necessary with Mordred — but before he knew it, it was past midnight and he was still on the love seat.

Arthur was lying across it, his knees bent over the armrest and his head in Merlin's lap. Merlin was playing with Arthur's hair and crying with laughter as Gwaine and E were demonstrating a new dance they'd apparently made up.

"It goes like — no, you forgot the first part," Gwaine said, nearly shouting at E. He always lost all sense of his volume control when he drank.

E wasn't in much better shape; they kept doing the same move over and over again while Gwaine did something completely different.

"I think you two need some more rehearsal time," Elyan said dryly from where they were sat on the floor in front of their date, who was on the sofa. "This is pathetic so far."

"You're just jealous," Gwaine said, wiggling his hips ridiculously. "Oh! I remember now. It's like this." He reached out and held E's hands and then shimmied, his long hair flapping everywhere.

"I don't remember this part," E said, struggling to stay standing from how hard they were laughing.

Suddenly and inexplicably, E tripped over one of Gwaine's feet and fell to the floor, dragging Gwaine down with them. They both landed in a drunk, giggling heap and the room burst into applause.

"Inspired," Arthur called out, clapping so loud his hands were turning red. "Bravissimo!"

Gwaine struggled to his feet and helped E up as well. They took a bow together, still breathless from laughing.

"That might be our cue to leave," E said, probably attempting a whisper but failing miserably.

Gwaine wrapped his arm around their waist. "Okay." He took another dramatic bow. "We bid you adieu."

"Please tell me you didn't drive," Morgana said, her eyes narrowed.

"Nah." Gwaine swayed on his feet as he tried to get his wallet out of his pocket without letting go of E. "Time to go neck in the back of a cab."

Arthur rolled off the love seat, getting to his feet with the grace and agility of someone who hadn't been drinking Gwaine's mulled wine all night. Merlin followed suit and soon everyone was hugging Gwaine and E goodbye in one giant, too-warm pile.

"Okay, okay," Gwaine shouted, ducking down and trying to push his way out of the bodies surrounding him. "We love you, too."

"Speak for yourself," E said, still struggling in the centre of the hug circle.

As everyone stepped back to let Gwaine and E go, the various couples started glancing at each other and pretty soon everyone was gathering their things and getting ready to leave.

"Mordred's gone, yeah?" Gwaine asked, giving Merlin another hug goodbye.

"Yeah," Merlin said quietly, trying to get Gwaine to speak lower.

"Now you can't avoid us anymore, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah. Hush. Go home."

Gwaine placed a sloppy kiss on Merlin's forehead and then let E drag him out into the hall. Morgana and her date left next, followed by Elyan and theirs.

Merlin noticed Lamia slipping into her jacket by the door. He looked around for Leon and Percy but didn't spot them in time to duck out of the way of their joint hug.

"Thanks guys," Merlin said, his voice muffled by one of their shoulders. "I can't really breathe."

Percy stepped back first, giving Merlin what was probably meant to be a friendly slap on the back. "Happy Christmas, Merlin," he said, moving back in for another hug as soon as Leon let go. "You're my favourite ace."

Merlin laughed and wiggled out of his strong grip. "Thanks. You're mine as well."

It took three more rounds of crushing hugs for everyone, but eventually Leon, Percy, and Lamia made it out the door, leaving only Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, and Lance.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Gwen warned cryptically as Lance helped her into her coat.

"What wouldn't you do?" Merlin asked, taking the wine glass out of her hand so she could fit her arms through the sleeves.

"A straight guy."

Merlin snorted. "I don't think there's any risk of that."

"Good." She pulled away from Lance to give Merlin a tight hug. "You didn't knit that boyfriend jumper, did you?"

"Yes," Merlin said defiantly. "I'm giving it to him once you're gone."

"Good."

"Good? I thought you said it would curse us."

"I changed my mind."

"Okay," Merlin said slowly, stepping back from the hug.

"Arthur did a reading with Lance at the fair last week," she reminded him. "Lance told me what the cards said."

"And… what did they say?"

Gwen winked awkwardly, her coordination somewhat hindered by all the wine. "You'll see."

Merlin glanced over at Lance, who seemed to be asking Arthur questions about his menorahs.

"You'll see," Gwen said again. She stood up on her tiptoes to give Merlin a kiss on the cheek. "Happy Christmas."

Merlin returned the kiss. "Happy Christmas, Gwen." He moved to the door to give Lance a goodbye hug as well and a minute later he was alone with Arthur.

"Do you want your present?" Arthur asked, locking the door.

"I want to go first," Merlin decided. He unplugged his mobile from the stereo, dropping the living room into post-party silence, and grabbed the bag he'd left by the door. He pulled out the awkwardly wrapped package, re-thinking his decision not to use a box. "I can fix it if it doesn't fit."

Arthur took it and pulled the wrapping paper off quickly, smiling broadly as he unearthed the handmade jumper.

"Holy shit," he said, holding it up and letting the wrapping paper scraps fall to the floor. "I love it! Did you make this?"

Merlin nodded and Arthur dragged Merlin into his bedroom so he could try it on in front of a mirror. It fit well enough — Merlin thought it looked tight across the shoulders but Arthur said he liked it.

"Thank you," Arthur said, pulling Merlin in for a long hug. "I love it. I can't believe you made it just for me."

Merlin gave Arthur a squeeze. "You're welcome."

Arthur let the hug linger for another moment before he stepped back. "Do you want yours?"

"I suppose it's only fair."

Arthur grinned and took an envelope off his dresser. He handed it over, looking nervous.

Merlin opened the envelope curiously. He peered inside, not sure what to expect, and found a single piece of paper. He pulled it out and unfolded it, nearly dropping the business card that had been tucked inside.

_Kilgharrah — Albion Ink_

Merlin flipped over the card and found contact information on the back along with some small illustrations of what he could only assume were runes. Confused, Merlin glanced up at Arthur, who was biting his lip and watching Merlin with an anxious expression.

Merlin looked back down at the other piece of paper and saw "IOU" written out in meticulous block capitals.

"Uh." Merlin double-checked that his name was written on the front of the envelope. "How drunk are you? Is this what you meant to give me?"

Arthur let out a soft chuckle. "I'm not — I haven't had any more wine since you showed up. It's… it's for you. For a tattoo — a real one, if you want. I can set up a consultation and… I might have mentioned you already, and he had some ideas, so…" Arthur trailed off, licking his lips.

"Arthur," Merlin said quietly, looking down at the IOU again.

"I want to get this for you."

"You want to buy me a tattoo," Merlin clarified.

"Yes — your first. If you want," Arthur added quickly. "Or I can just buy you a lifetime supply of temporary tattoos if you'd prefer. Or, I don't know, more yarn for more jumpers, but —"

"Arthur, no. Tattoos are expensive. I can't accept this." He tried to give the IOU back but Arthur wouldn't take it. "We can make the appointment — I'll keep the business card — but I can't take this."

"You can. I want you to. I… want you to."

Merlin looked up just in time to see Arthur closing his eyes before he pressed a soft kiss to Merlin's lips.

"Uh," Merlin said again, gripping the empty envelope. "What…"

Arthur pulled the envelope and papers out of Merlin's hands and set them back down on the dresser. "Can we talk?"

"We definitely should," Merlin managed. His head was spinning but he didn't think it was from the one glass of mulled wine he'd had several hours ago.

Arthur sat down heavily on the edge of his bed with a wince and Merlin couldn't help but wonder if he was high on his leftover painkillers.

"I want to give us a try," Arthur said quietly. "I know there's reasons we haven't done this but —"

"Yes," Merlin said blankly. "There's — there's lots of reasons. Arthur, you don't mean this. Don't do this — please."

Arthur stood back up and held one of Merlin's hands. Merlin's heart clenched in his chest and he fought the urge to run out of Arthur's flat and never come back.

"I do mean this. I'm not drunk. I'm not clueless. I want you."

Merlin shook his head, reminding himself that he couldn't have this, no matter how much he wanted it. He had only just come to grips with the idea that he really and truly had to let his romantic feelings for Arthur go, but now he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to. Not when the 'what-ifs' were going to linger in the back of his mind forever.

"Please," he said again, stepping away and pulling his hand back.

"Look, if… if you really don't feel the same way about me, then you can tell me and we can move on from there, but…" Arthur trailed off, giving Merlin a somewhat desperate look.

Merlin covered his mouth with one of his hands and shook his head, trying to think of a way out of this.

"All you have to do is say it," Arthur whispered.

"I can't," Merlin said, dropping his hand. "You know I — fuck, Arthur, you _know_ how I feel about you but we _can't_ —"

"So just try," Arthur said quickly, moving forward and holding both of Merlin's hands in his. "There's no reason not to."

Merlin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, searching inside himself for the right words, the right excuse, the right way out.

He found nothing but a shimmering, trembling need to be closer to Arthur.

"Are you really sure?" he asked, surprised at the thick emotion in his own voice. "I'm not going to be able to hold myself back if we do this and — are you really sure? I mean, I know you know this but do you really _know_ this? I'm not — I don't hate sex but I'm never going to want it and maybe we can do it sometimes or like, twice, but I'd really rather not and you can't just — you don't want this."

Arthur smiled and Merlin scoffed and tried to pull away, but Arthur held on tight and moved in for another kiss.

"I do want this," he said softly, still smiling. "I want you. I'm not saying there aren't things to discuss and… obstacles to overcome, or whatever. I'm saying that I'm willing to face all that. You're worth it."

Merlin felt himself going red. "Arthur…"

"Merlin."

Merlin bit his lip and looked down at their hands, repeating Arthur's words in his mind.

"Do you always make it this difficult?" Arthur asked.

"No, but I've never… never cared this much before." He looked up into Arthur's eyes, trying to ground himself. "I told you, I'm not going to be able to hold myself back if we do this."

"No," Arthur agreed. "I think we're both past that point. And yes — I'm very, very sure."

"You don't think you'll get bored in a few months?"

Arthur frowned. "No. I've known you for years and you haven't bored me yet."

Merlin looked down at their hands again. "Were you planning this all night?"

"Yes. What do you say?"

When Merlin looked up, Arthur was smiling dopily, his lips stretched wide and his eyes crinkly around the edges but bright and hopeful and happy.

"You're… beautiful."

Arthur laughed and wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist, pulling him close. "I'll take that as a 'yes,'" he said before kissing Merlin firmly on the lips.

This time, Merlin kissed back and soon everything was exactly as he had always imagined — the way Arthur tasted and how he smelled and his hands on Merlin's back and the quiet, pleased sounds he was making. Everything was exactly as Merlin had imagined, on the rare occasion he let himself think about it at all, and yet it was all infinitely better because it was actually happening. Arthur was actually there, moving one hand to the back of Merlin's head and pulling Merlin even closer until there was no more space between them.

"You're beautiful, too," Arthur said when the kiss broke. "Can I ask… what it feels like?"

"What?" Merlin asked, holding onto Arthur's arms.

"Kissing. If… if it's not ever sexual…"

Merlin swallowed and ran his hands down the front of the jumper Arthur was wearing, the one he had made.

"It's sensual, maybe. It's physical but… only because of… because of how I feel about you." He looked up to see Arthur staring at him, devouring him with those sharp blue eyes. "You know that feeling when you're listening to ['Carry On'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP0VBB7BO64) and the music's doing its thing and then it stops and they just burst into loud, glorious, four-part harmony and your whole body lights up and your skin starts tingling and your heart explodes like you're the goddamn Grinch?"

Arthur grinned and tugged Merlin so close that he lost his balance and fell back on the bed, bringing Merlin down on top of him.

"I forgot you have a strange affinity for old folk rock."

"Or like the end of, um… ['Weekend Wars'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_-Gld700LE) by MGMT."

"And psychedelic indie rock."

"The soul bits of ['Bound 2'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBAtAM7vtgc)?"

"And hip hop. Lots of American artists on your 'Asexual Kissing Is Like This' playlist."

"You asked," Merlin reminded him before leaning down for another, briefer kiss. "The short answer to your question is that it feels amazing. Mostly just because it's you. And I like being with you."

Arthur grinned and, keeping a tight grip on Merlin's waist, rolled them so that they were both on the bed on their sides.

"Will you stay?" he asked, running his fingers through Merlin's hair.

"Yes."

Still smiling like Merlin was the best Christmas present he'd ever gotten, Arthur moved in for a long, teasing kiss that left Merlin's skin singing.

"You make my heart soar," Arthur said quietly when he finally pulled back again.

Merlin snorted in an attempt to hold back a laugh. "Are you sure you're not drunk?"

"Yes. I just… look, I'm not as eloquent as you are. I don't have a weirdly huge encyclopaedic knowledge of emotional kissing songs. I've only got lame things to say but you're going to have to listen to them, anyway."

"I look forward to hearing many more lame things," Merlin said, sliding his hand under Arthur's shirt and resting his hand on the warm bare skin of Arthur's back. "And I hope you're looking forward to listening to many more emotional kissing songs."

"I suppose I can work that into my schedule," Arthur said, pretending to be put-upon. "Oh, actually, I should tell you — I have to go to South Africa for three weeks in January."

"That's a long time."

"I'll have my mobile and my laptop. We can video chat."

Merlin rubbed his nose against Arthur's, smiling at how that made Arthur blush for some reason. "Okay. I'll make you playlists for your flights."

"Naturally."

"Can you bring me back some more temporary tattoos?"

"Did you really use up all the ones I brought you last time?"

"Maybe."

Arthur sniggered and gave Merlin a quick kiss. "I can bring you back some more. I'm serious about the real tattoo, though — if you want it."

"I can't accept that much money from you," Merlin protested.

"You can't refuse my present, Merlin," Arthur said firmly. "It's rude."

Merlin sighed and traced his fingers over where he knew Arthur's dragon tattoo to be. "Will you come with me when I get it?"

"Of course. Do you already know what you want?"

"Yeah," Merlin said, struggling to maintain a serious expression. "Your face."

Arthur laughed, pushing Merlin away as he sat up. "I forbid it. I actually will take back my IOU if that's what you're planning."

Merlin sat up and rested his chin on Arthur's shoulder. "No, I'm kidding. Maybe."

Arthur snorted. "You're…" The insult died on his lips as Merlin reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together in his lap. "You're mine," he said quietly, turning to give Merlin a kiss.

"I'm my own," Merlin corrected. "But we're together."

"Yes." Arthur gave Merlin's hand a squeeze and then stood, pulling Merlin with him. "Shall we go to bed?"

Merlin quickly tugged off Arthur's jumper and the t-shirt underneath, running his hands over Arthur's too-warm skin and relishing the fact that Arthur was finally within reach.

"Careful with that," Arthur said, toeing the jumper away from their feet. "It's handmade."

"Do you really like it?"

"More than I can say. What are you doing?" Arthur asked, sounding amused as Merlin continued mapping his chest.

"You're beautiful," Merlin said simply. He brushed his fingers over the bruise still blossomed over Arthur's left side, then gave Arthur a quick kiss and stepped away, heading towards the bathroom. "Can I request that you not sleep naked yet? Might be too soon for that."

Arthur rolled his eyes dramatically. "The things I do for love."

Merlin stopped awkwardly in his tracks, swaying as he tried to decide if he should just ignore it and chalk it up to a poorly used common phrase or if he should take it literally.

"I mean…" Arthur bit his lip and frowned slightly, blushing again.

Merlin moved quickly, sliding his hands into Arthur's hair and kissing him firmly and surely and a bit roughly. Arthur's hands moved to Merlin's sides and held on tightly as Merlin took him apart.

Arthur gasped when Merlin finally broke the kiss, his breathing ragged. He slipped his hands into the back pocket of Merlin's jeans, holding Merlin close against him.

"All right?" Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded and pressed another kiss to Merlin's lips. "You make my heart soar," he whispered.

Merlin grinned and stepped away, giving Arthur's hands a squeeze as he pulled them out of his pockets. "You make mine explode like I'm the goddamn Grinch."

Arthur pulled Merlin in for another kiss before letting him go. Merlin went to the loo and when he came back, Arthur was lying on top of the covers, shirtless but wearing pyjama bottoms and socks. There was a pile of clothes on the corner of the bed: another pair of pyjama bottoms, some more socks, a t-shirt, and a jumper that was probably too big even for Arthur.

Merlin bit down a smile and changed quickly, pulling on the jumper last.

"You are swimming in that," Arthur commented, following suit as Merlin slid under the covers.

"You could have picked a different jumper," Merlin pointed out. He leaned over to turn off the light and when he lay back down, Arthur snuggled up to him immediately.

"Yeah, but I know you've got a size kink."

Merlin reached around to give Arthur's arse a teasing slap. "Shut it."

Arthur hummed contentedly and kept his arms wrapped around Merlin's middle even as Merlin turned over to find a comfortable position.

"You're not making this easy," Merlin complained, trying to pull the sheets out from where they'd got wedged between his legs.

Arthur snorted and moved away for a moment, only to come back as soon as Merlin settled on a spot.

"I never said this would be easy."

"It's sleeping," Merlin muttered, tugging Arthur's arm so it wasn't pressing too hard against his ribs.

"You've seen me sleep," Arthur said, his voice low and gravely.

"I have," Merlin conceded, shifting his weight one last time. "Comfy?"

"Always," Arthur muttered.

Merlin smiled and kissed the back of Arthur's hand since it was the only piece of Arthur he had easy access to. "Goodnight."

Arthur pressed a kiss to the back of Merlin's neck. "Happy Christmas, Merlin. Sleep tight."

Merlin closed his eyes and wrapped his hand around Arthur's, holding them to his chest as he fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Additional tags/warnings/content: Concussions, stitches, loopy painkillers, baking, knitting, temporary tattoos, overlarge jumpers, tarot readings, church services, menorahs, religion, and the queerest cast of characters.


End file.
